Two things I hope are gone with the end of this year (along with all the hatred, greed, racism, and ruining the environment) are twerking and It Gets Better. Yes, It Gets Better, which started in September 2010, was, at first, a very nice gesture and message sending hope to LGBT and non-mainstream youth but it's devolved into a cliche �" a useless, meaningless answer to give when what we really mean is that the situation sucks but the best I have to offer is a cute little saying to be a Band-Aid for your pain and a thread of hope that things will change on their own.
When the AIDS pandemic hit us, did we sit as our friends, coworkers, neighbors, and loved ones died around us and say to ourselves that "It gets better?" No, we stood up, spoke up, acted up, and fought back for needed research and over and over for medicines to treat us and keep us living longer. We didn't then and we don't now have the luxury to assume that it gets better.
When couples decided to push for marriage equality but authorities were refusing, did they hang onto what looked like a remote hope that it would get better and go on living in unrecognized, unprotected, and illegal relationships? No, we stood up and spoke out. We made it better. And at this point gay, lesbian, and transgender people can marry in 15 countries. There will soon to be 16 states, the District of Columbia, and eight Native American tribal jurisdictions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_under_United_States_tribal_jurisdictions) �" that's 34 percent of the U.S. population �" issuing marriage licenses for same-sex couples. That didn't happen because we waited for it to get better.
The military's anti-gay "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was a policy of discrimination in the U.S. armed forces from December 1993 until September 2011. During that time, 13,000 individuals who wanted to serve our country were discharged under DADT. The political power of military brass and anti-LGBT conservatives made this look like a very hard wall to knock down. Brave individuals like Dan Choi and Eric Alva could have shrugged their shoulders and said, "It gets better" and waited for justice. But they stood and fought an injustice. Now, although discrimination is not completely wiped out from the military, same-sex couples can even marry in the military and have the ceremony performed by their chaplains.
A version of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act has been brought up in Congress in almost every year since 1994. And for 19 years, it's been shot down. But brave leaders and involved community activists everywhere keep on fighting for what is right, the right to work without the possibility of being discriminated against or fired because of something as simple as one's sexual identity. After 20 years, should we just tell ourselves, "It gets better" and sit and wait for the world to accept us and respect us? We finally had the Senate pass an inclusive ENDA just last month. We cannot wait for it to get better. We must make it better.
It's time to retire the passive It Gets Better project and choose to Make It Better. It cannot and will not get better if we do not make it better. If we see bullying going on, step up and support laws and policies that have zero tolerance for bullying by students or teachers. Make it better. If we see work discrimination going on, speak out and push for laws that will end that. Make it better. If a neighbor is being attacked in some way, don't just wish them well and turn away saying, "It gets better." Stand beside them in the struggle. Make it better. When the disabled, elderly and lower income individuals among us are pushed out of our homes to make way for luxury apartments that fewer and fewer of us can afford, it's time for us to make it better and stand for fair housing for all. And when the neighbor down the street is hungry or cold or sick, don't just tell them it gets better as if that will fill their bellies or warm their limbs or cure their illnesses. We must open our hearts and reach out our hands to do the work to make it better.
Gandhi said that we must be the change we wish to see in the world. He didn't say tell others in pain to wait for a better world. It's my prayer that in the coming year we will all commit to some level of changing the world around us for the better. In 2014, let's all make it better. No more waiting. No more wondering. Make it better.
Kelly Rivera Hart is a longtime San Francisco housing rights and AIDS activist.