In 1992, Molly McKay worked in a lesbian bar that catered to enlisted military personnel in San Diego. She remembers the military police �""MPs" �" would regularly cruise the parking lot writing down license plates, taking photographs, and instilling a sense of constant fear, paranoia, and shame about being gay. The lights inside would flicker to red indicating the MPs were in the parking lot. If needed, we had a side gate that opened to the block behind the bar to get out instead of going through the front door.
One evening, we gathered around the TV to watch President Clinton during his victory speech. We hung on his every word as he promised to "let gay and lesbian service members serve openly and proudly." McKay remembers watching super-tough women, decorated soldiers, many who had lived in the closet for decades, openly weeping with joy and pride in their country. She also remembers her courageous friend and gifted surgical nurse, Marcia, who believed Clinton would make good on his promise. At a demonstration we held in front of the Navy base, Marcia spoke with a reporter to put a human face on the issue. Her reward was the heartbreaking betrayal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy and an involuntary discharge after 10 years of service. Eighteen years later and gay people still can't serve openly in the military; it's unbelievable.
When President Barack Obama entered office in January, a CNN poll showed 81 percent of Americans favored gays serving openly in the military. In October, Obama pledged again to end DADT and restated his campaign promise to end the Defense of Marriage Act. But rhetoric is not enough and immediate action is needed. With the stroke of a pen, Obama could halt discharges under DADT, but instead he has done nothing and under his watch, another 265 dedicated gay service members have been discharged under this discriminatory policy.
Everybody loses with DADT, from the service members to the service itself. Since DADT was enacted in 1994, over 13,500 gay and lesbian service members have been discharged for their sexuality. Marriage Equality USA is collecting stories from the front lines, the front lines of the battlefields abroad where gay Americans continue to serve their country in compulsory silence and the front lines of the national battlefield where gay Americans are fighting for the right to love, to protect our families and to be true to ourselves at www.marriageequality.org.
Juan Walker, an Air Force veteran from Oakland, shared his story: "I had a promising career as a Judge Advocate General in the Air Force and it was my responsibility to conduct interviews with members who were discharged under DADT policy and prepare reports to be used in their discharges. In all these cases, service members who came out to say they were gay because they could not handle the stress of a double life. I, too, had to leave the military as soon as I could because I couldn't take that stress. The military spends a great deal of time and money training these service members. That investment is wasted and military missions suffer every time these highly motivated and well qualified service members are discharged or leaving the service because of this DADT and gay service members are harmed because they are unable to continue to serve the country that they love."
According to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, there are 24 countries that allow gays to serve openly in the military. As for NATO countries, the United States stands with Turkey as the only two to have open service bans. Furthermore, 19 of these 24 countries provide some form of relationship recognition including marriage or civil unions. These two federal policies �" DADT and DOMA �" are inextricably linked because when one chooses to join the military, the entire family sacrifices for our country and gay families remain invisible and unprotected.
The following story from Cheryl Carney, an Army veteran from San Antonio, Texas illustrates the strain and risks of living under DADT:
"I served 20 years, five months, and 18 days as an enlisted active duty Army service member and served one combat tour of duty in Iraq. While I was in the service, I had to live a double life. If I was asked about my personal life when on duty, I described a completely fictitious heterosexual life. But in reality, when my partner or I were sick, neither of us could be there for one another, nor even speak about it. Not being able to speak about my partner and keeping secrets really kept me on edge and created an environment where I could never trust or share with other soldiers anything personal about me. Now I worry about my partner and our five kids. This year, my partner was laid off. Her unemployment benefits have run out and I have no ability to cover my significant other under my hard earned benefits because of current laws. I really wish I could cover her under my Tricare retired medical insurance, otherwise we will have to pay out of pocket."
Let us honor Veterans Day by enlisting as civilian love warriors who can and will pledge to serve openly and proudly in service of our service members who cannot speak for themselves.
Molly McKay is media director for Marriage Equality USA; Pamela Brown is MEUSA's policy director.