On November 18, the Massachusetts LGBT community and its allies will celebrate the fourth anniversary of the Goodridge decision – the high court ruling that gave same-sex couples in our state the freedom to marry. In that decision, the Supreme Judicial Court declared, "The Massachusetts Constitution affirms the dignity and equality of all individuals. It forbids the creation of second-class citizens."
We are proud that in our state, the Supreme Judicial Court, the legislature, and the citizens have come to recognize LGBT people as full human beings, who should not and cannot be excluded from the central institution of our society – marriage. For many LGBT citizens of Massachusetts, it was the Goodridge decision that said to them finally, after years of struggle, "you are equal."
For couples like Tanya McCloskey and Marcia Kadish, this recognition was transformative. The first same-sex couple to marry in our state, these two middle-aged women had previously lived a quiet, private life in one of Boston's working-class suburbs. The right to marry gave them a sense of security they had never felt before – finally, they could be themselves whether having ice cream in the center of town, talking to colleagues at the water cooler, or sharing their lives with neighbors and family. For them, the first day of same-sex marriage, May 17,2004, became their moment to leave the closet and to their astonishment they left it before scores of TV crews from around the world.
California is poised to become the second state to recognize that you can't be for equality and against same-sex marriage. The legislature has twice passed laws granting full marriage equality to same-sex couples, but the governor refuses to allow the measure to become law. As Republican Mayor Jerry Sanders of San Diego has made clear – this is not a partisan issue. When we look into our hearts, we are a nation that upholds fairness and equality as foundational principles. As an American and as a parent, Jerry Sanders realized he cannot accept that some of his children are more equal than others. He wants to dance at his daughter's wedding, regardless of the gender of her spouse!
In its four-year experiment with same-sex marriage, Massachusetts has proved that recognizing the equality of LGBT citizens does not bring the end of civilization. Massachusetts remains tied with Georgia for having the lowest divorce rate in the country. If anything, the marriage equality debate opened hearts and minds, strengthening support for LGBT youth and families across the state.
As Stephen Galante, the father of five adopted children, notes in our book Courting Equality, "Having a legal marriage, made it 'okay' for anyone who doubted themselves for wanting to be supportive and accepting of our family. It relieved people of their moral struggle with this particular issue. It allowed them to follow their hearts, their best instincts, and embrace our family."
This community support is important to LGBT families, just as it is important to all other families. As we struggle with work and family responsibilities – caring for children, aging parents, friends who are ill – no one needs the added burden of second-class citizenship. Today, same-sex couples who live in Massachusetts can rest assured that they will not be discriminated against when they rush to see their hospitalized spouse following an accident, or when asking an employer for bereavement leave. Same-sex parents know they will not have to explain their family to their children's teachers, and that the public schools are required to support their families with inclusive curricula that recognize the legitimacy of all types of families.
What makes the situation in California, where same-sex couples can register as domestic partners, different? Let's face it – "registering a partnership" does not equal "having a wedding." Domestic partnership does not have the transformative power of "marriage," because it maintains the second-class citizenship of LGBT people. It would not provide Marcia and Tanya with the level of comfort and security that a real marriage has given them. It would not offer enough to 13-year-old Sasha, who said at his dads' wedding "Now when we walk down the street, people won't just see two guys and a kid. They'll have to see a FAMILY."
Karen Kahn and Pat Gozemba are the co-authors, with photographer Marilyn Humphries, of Courting Equality: A Documentary History of America's First Same-Sex Marriages (Beacon Press, 2007), http://www.courtingequality.com. Gozemba will be in the Bay Area next week; see the News Briefs on page 4 for details.