In every civil rights movement, there are watershed moments that mark turning points toward success. One of those key moments happened in Massachusetts earlier this month. In the only state where same-sex couples can legally marry, anti-gay forces could not even muster 25 percent of their elected legislators to support an attempt to take it away. In addition, New York's governor introduced a marriage equality bill that passed in the state Assembly this month. Now, anti-gay forces can no longer claim that civil rights progress for LGBT people is only protected by the courts, relying on their fallacious cry of "judicial activism." The anti-gay agenda has been revealed for what it truly is – a mean spirited and unwarranted attack on LGBT citizens and their children. What is turning the tide?
These East Coast victories echo the earlier success in California, the first state to pass marriage equality through the legislature in 2005. In both California and Massachusetts, swing legislators changed their votes from not supporting marriage equality to supporting marriage equality in a short period of time. What caused their change of heart? The victories reveal the secret to securing marriage equality – and it isn't fancy or expensive or something we can delegate to our advocacy groups or anyone else.
What changed legislators' minds – Democrats and Republicans alike – were individual LGBT community members and straight allies sharing their lives, showing their pictures, telling their stories, and flooding the community with our truths. The secret is simple: once people see us, know us, and acknowledge our humanity, they cannot, in good conscience, harm our families. Here are a few of these Massachusetts lawmakers' stories:
State Senator Gale Candaras, a Wilbraham Democrat, received a lot of input from her district. One letter came from an 82-year-old woman who worried that one of her grandchildren may grow up gay and might not be able to marry the person they loved. Another story that stuck with her was from an older woman who had at first asked Candaras "to put it on the ballot for a vote, but since then, this lovely couple, these two men, moved in next door to me, and they have a couple of children and they're married, and they help me with my lawn. And if there can't be marriage in Massachusetts, they're going to leave and then they can't help me with my lawn.
State Representative Richard Ross, a Wrentham Republican, said he knows he "did the right thing" by voting against this ballot initiative. He feared that gay families would "be put back under a microscope. We were going to subject them to a period of hate and vitriol and dragging everything up all over again. It wouldn't be good for them, and it wouldn't be good for the commonwealth. Nine thousand of them have now married, who have blended into society, who have hurt no one. I just couldn't see exposing them to all that stuff over the next two years."
State Senator Michael Morrissey, a Quincy Democrat, sought input from his family and friends. "People's ability to be happy is fundamental. To pass judgment on that, in the end, I found hard to do. The risk to existing relationships and children I found to be very difficult. We could have potentially added discrimination into the constitution."
State Representative Robert Nyman, a Hanover Democrat, said, "I listened and I listened and I listened. I heard a lot of heart-wrenching personal tales, and that's what led me to this decision. I just felt at this point, I was not comfortable with putting people's human rights on the ballot."
State Representative Paul Kujawski, a Webster Democrat, said meeting same-sex couples made the difference, particularly one lesbian couple who had been together 20 years and told him what it meant for them to get married. "It was nothing more than that – wanting people to live happily. I couldn't take that away. Our job is to help people who need help, and I feel the gay side of the issue needed more help than the other side." When Kujawski saw this couple after the vote, he said, "There were really no words, just hugs and tears." He spoke of going to Mass the following Sunday with some trepidation but then reported being met with support and thanks from his fellow Catholics for his vote.
These stories confirm that this civil rights work takes each and every person in our community using every opportunity to speak out about our lives, our loves, and the basic issue of fairness for all families. Marriage Equality USA, an all-volunteer, grassroots organization, invites you to step up as a leader in your community – to join with a network of ordinary people – gay and non-gay – working to secure relationship protections for same-sex couples through telling our stories and being visible in our local communities. If you have time, energy, and passion for this issue, we have a place for you. Please contact us at [email protected] and get involved as we engage in the battle to continue this forward momentum and ensure we can sustain our gains. In the words of Mayor Gavin Newsom, "Together we can win."
Molly McKay is media director and Pamela Brown is policy director for MEUSA.