On April 21, the day that my partner and I celebrated our 12th anniversary, Governor Christine Gregoire signed legislation giving legal rights to domestic partners in the state of Washington. Then a week later, the New Hampshire legislature passed a civil union bill and Governor John Lynch promised to sign it into law.
The happy occasion and the good news was cause for us to remember the difficult struggle we (and many other same-sex binational couples) had to go through to stay in or enter the U.S. and remain together. My partner Mickey is a U.S. citizen and I am from Singapore, but because we are gay, Mickey had no right to sponsor me for a green card. For the better part of two years, we lived on different continents. After 10 years of battling the U.S. immigration system for me to stay here legally with Mickey, I was fortunate enough to find an employer to sponsor me. Six months ago, I received approval from the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement for a green card. I use the word "fortunate" in this sense because Mickey and I are but a small percentage of thousands of same-sex binational couples who have been able to put an end to a multi-year struggle to legally stay together in this country.
Many others have not been as lucky and have been forced to leave the country to live in exile, leaving behind their families, friends, and professions. Their love is so strong that everything and everyone else in their lives have been abandoned for a life in another country that would accept them as a loving couple.
In the course of our struggles, Mickey and I became involved with Out4Immigration, a grassroots organization that advocates for a change in U.S. immigration policy to allow same-sex binational couples the same immigration rights heterosexuals can obtain through marriage. We've met many couples in similar situations. Manny and Gerald (not their real names) will celebrate their 30th anniversary this year. Gerald has numerous undergraduate degrees and a Ph.D., so his application for a special skills green card seemed like a sure thing; however, during the final stage of the process, it was discovered that Gerald was HIV-positive. If Manny and Gerald were a straight married couple, Manny could immediately apply for an HIV waiver for Gerald based on family reunification and get him a green card. This is a right available to straight couples but denied to gay couples.
Another couple, Jim and Jess (not their real names), has been forced to live in exile in China because Jess's visa option ran out. Jim worked for a Fortune 500 company in Silicon Valley, and he was able to secure a reassignment to China so that he could keep his family together. Isn't it ironic that gay couples are forced to leave America for China? How does that make sense?
While California, like Washington, offers its gay and lesbian residents domestic partnership, Massachusetts has gay marriage, and New Hampshire has just joined Connecticut, Vermont, and New Jersey in recognizing civil unions, these are state laws that are not recognized at the federal level. Immigration is a federal issue. And because of that, none of this progress in relationship protection rights can help same-sex binational couples like Manny and Gerald, or Jim and Jess, stay together legally in the U.S. The only way a gay or lesbian person in a relationship with a U.S. citizen can obtain a green card is through their employer – or asylum (a long and difficult process, in which the person must prove they will be persecuted or otherwise harmed if they were forced to return to their native country).
According to a report released by Human Rights Watch entitled "Family Unvalued," there are about 36,000 same-sex binational couples living in the U.S. today. Some of these couples, like Mickey and I, may be pursuing a green card through their work. And we hope they are successful. Many others are looking at options to leave the U.S., for the American to live in exile, but to live in a country that recognizes them as a couple and family. We believe, however, that the 36,000 same-sex binational couples who were willing to stand up and be counted are just the beginning of the story. We believe many more have made choices to stay here without the proper visa in order to stay with the person they love, no matter what the risks or cost.
As we celebrate the hard won advances toward full equality, it is important to remember that there are 1,138 benefits that are afforded heterosexual married couples at the federal level that are still denied to gay and lesbian couples. Only the federal government can grant the benefits of marriage when it comes to federal taxes, immigration, or waivers to the HIV entry ban. As the Massachusetts supreme court said, "We learned a long time ago in this country that separate but equal is inherently unequal." It is an important distinction to remember: In the eyes of the federal government, gay and lesbian couples, whether binational or U.S. citizens, are legal strangers.
Out4Immigration addresses the widespread discriminatory impact of U.S. immigration laws on the lives of LGBT and HIV-positive people and their families through education, outreach, advocacy, and the maintenance of a resource and support network. For more information, visit http://www.o4i.org or e-mail mailto:[email protected].