Grief and depression are no strangers to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community. Many in the community mourn the recent suicide of Rickey Williams, who was a dear friend of mine and formerly the coordinator of the Stop AIDS Project's Our Love program. His death – Mr. Williams, 28, jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge July 24 – and his battle with bipolar disorder, compelled me to write this, as I am sure he would want this crucial assistance for his community as his legacy.
Grief and depression seem to be the invisible stamp on the birth certificates of most black LGBTs. The experience of the loss of something of great value; whether it is a loved person, job, health, youth, looks, status, position, cherished goal, etc., results in grief, which is natural and important. This grieving process normally takes about three to six months (or longer) to resolve.
However, for most black LGBTs grieving seems like a lifetime struggle. Holding grief in delays its resolution and decreases our resistance to depression and other mental illnesses. Black LGBTs are confronted daily with feelings of sorrow, fear, regret, anxiety, confusion, anger, emptiness, and obsession with the question "why?" This chronic oppressive sense of loss can be expressed quietly or passionately, or held in and left essentially unexpressed. It is continually amplified by any loss, whether that loss is external (as in the loss of a loved one) or internal (as in the loss of a goal) because of racism, homophobia, or sexism.
Extensive losses sustained over a short period of time – a phenomenon known as multiple loss – can lead to psychic numbness and /or clinical depression. Most people experience symptoms of sadness, emotional numbness, difficulty concentrating and making decisions, low self-esteem, feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness or inappropriate guilt, lack of pleasure in things that once brought pleasure, sleeping too little or too much, poor appetite or overeating, etc. when they experience a loss in their lives. Some symptoms of depression can appear contradictory, such as sleeping too little or sleeping too much, poor appetite or overeating. It ranges from mild to severe in intensity, and from days to years in duration. Depression stemming from a fleeting situation, such as a missed opportunity, is different in both depth and length from chronic or profound depression. Depression that is severe or lasts more than two weeks should be assessed and possibly treated as clinical depression by a mental healthcare professional.
The negative effect of depression is that one feels hopelessness, helplessness, or lack of pleasure in their life. Ongoing problems with sleep, energy, mood, or appetite are often dealt with in solitude. When one experiences loss, they go on "as usual," and try not to think about it, feel it, or deal with it, ignoring feelings of apathy or emptiness. Unhappy, distractions like TV, sex, alcohol, and drugs are resorted to in an attempt to numb the pain, as one becomes increasingly isolated. Depression is accentuated by low self-esteem, which may cause a person to question their worth as a human being.
The cycle of guilt and depression is especially acute for black LGBTs. We continually are assaulted by the oppressive effects of loss of opportunity and dignity from a double stigmatization, and never feel like full members of either the black or the gender variant community. This is why it is so critical for those of us coming from multiple oppressed minorities to seek out appropriate tactics for dealing with loss, grief, and depression. We need to assertively seek out a professional therapist that is conscious of our situation and has experienced our cultural legacy.
Unfortunately, the agencies that serve the LGBT community are sorely lacking in black mental health professionals. The ways of expressing grief are often rooted in childhood experiences and are culturally based. Cultural barriers to experiencing grief can include messages to ignore or bury feelings. Cultural enhancements of the grieving process provide ways to safely express sorrowful feelings, or find meaning in the loss through rituals and customs. The creation of personal forms of ritually observing grief and loss are very beneficial. Black LGBTs deserve dedicated professionals to guide them into culturally significant forms of personal evolution. More agencies should be able to provide deep levels of relevant counseling to us.
Bartholomew T. Casimir, MA, is a marriage and family therapist intern and program manager/therapist with Cecil Williams Community Housing Inc.