I have received a profound gift. Call me obsessive, but I have seen the movie Brokeback Mountain six times already. It is haunting me like no other movie I can remember. The writing, direction, technical aspects and, of course, performances are superlative. In particular, as an actor myself I want to applaud Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal for their inspired performances. When Gyllenhaal's character Jack Twist utters the words with honesty and heartfelt earnestness, "The truth is ... sometimes I just miss you so much I can hardly stand it" with a quiver in his voice, I start to lose it. Nothing, however, nothing had prepared me for the acting triumph that is Heath Ledger's performance as Ennis Del Mar. His vocal, physical, and internal choices burst my heart open in every frame. He gives a colossal performance because so much of his character Ennis is about what he cannot say, and Ledger conveys all of Ennis's rage, sorrow, and wounds with fullness and fire. It is in my opinion, the best performance by an actor on film since Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot.
Something transformational is happening because of this movie. I'm not just talking about possibly many hearts and minds being changed among the straights that see this movie. Something deeper and more personal is also happening for many, and I am speaking as a gay man here. Friend after friend is haunted by this movie. In a group of friends, we repeatedly talk about how much this film is deeply affecting us personally. So much grief, so much loss, so much recognition. We call each other in the middle of the day to discuss the waves of emotion that are surfacing even days after seeing the film. It is as if this movie appeared at this point in time in part to facilitate a massive transformational healing among the gay men and others who see it. Some are resolving to hold onto love when they find it while others are looking up loves lost before they "came out." Why is this healing happening? It is the transformational power of shamanism – the true gift of acting.
As an actor, I know how easy it can be this time of year for us to focus and fret on the Oscars, Golden Globes, SAG Awards, etc., and the status, success, and recognition we are "getting" (or more likely not getting) from the industry. Yet, if we actors are too focused on what we are getting (or not getting) out of the industry, it becomes awfully hard to get out of bed in the morning. As an alternative, we can choose to focus instead on what it is we are "giving" as an actor. As actors we possess the healing gift of shamanism. Because Ledger and Gyllenhaal fully committed to the truth within the material and themselves, with passion and professionalism, this healing shamanism is taking place among countless gay men and others. If you are an actor, and you are fretting because you don't think you are getting enough from your career – focus instead on your amazing power to give healing through identification and revelation of truth through your performance, and then tell me you don't feel better about yourself as an actor. I and so many people will be forever grateful to Ledger and Gyllenhaal because they fulfilled their mission as actors in this movie. You don't need to be straight or gay to play straight or gay – just committed to finding the truth within you and the role and the story. To Ledger and Gyllenhaal, thank you for the profound and generous gift you gave through your work on this film. May your blessings return to both of you a thousand fold.
Dan Wentzel is an openly gay actor/writer living in Southern California.