Sex concerns people, no matter your age, race, gender, size or orientation. It concerns you. It's a basic biological function, only slightly less important than breathing, eating, drinking and sleeping.
It's an adult activity that has breathtaking possibilities, and responsibilities. Done correctly (and frequently), it can take you places within your psyche that will heal and liberate you. Done incorrectly (and not often enough), it can stifle, warp and damage your spirit. In Western civilization, we have a bizarre, hypocritical viewpoint on sex, denying its open expression, in its myriad forms, but, we never hesitate to exploit it via advertising, to sell mundane products while subjugating and demonizing minorities.
We think about sex constantly, but, quickly stigmatize anything and everyone who appears to be more comfortable and focused about it than we are. Now, the only way both improvement and greater pleasure from your sexuality is to embrace it and keep at it (while allowing others to do the same).
Armed with this manifesto, allow me to give you just a little bit of information on where you may go to fuck, suck, kiss, spank, rim, fondle, tongue, tickle, finger, dance and participate, in all of the wonderful ways that you can get laid and feel wonderful about being you this Up Your Alley Street Fair weekend...and beyond, into fucking infinity!
Eros
Recently, this publication profiled Eros in an excellent article that left me intrigued. Ken Rowe, one of Eros' co-owners, provided me with an impressive private tour. It's a very beautiful space. It's safe-sex-conscious and very egalitarian. Their prices are reasonable, with masseurs, a new fitness area, a stunning smoking deck, sauna, SMBD classes, nude yoga and nude art classes, where both the artists and models must be naked.
When I asked Ken what he wanted to tell me, and the many men who will enter Eros to get laid this weekend, he stated, "Check out our party called 'Bearos,' 7pm to 3am. We are here for you all, seven days a week. We have a diverse, international clientele, in a safe part of town. We are convenient to many buses and the trolley, and we can provide an experience that hooking up on the internet never will! You can come over, have great sex and/or just chill out and relax in a beautiful environment. We pride ourselves on our cleanliness. Come over and see us."
2051 Market St. 255-4921 www.erossf.com
photo: courtesy Eros
Steamworks Berkeley
Next, let me tell you about a place that's near and dear to my heart. Let me start off by stating that each time I've visited Steamworks, I've left floating on air! Some of my life's most beautiful, romantic and erotic experiences have happened there. No bullshit. It's an amazing, huge facility. Along with DJed speical events, the East Bay bath house attracts a lot of UC Berkeley students, and well as older studs. It has a well-appointed gym, a beguiling glory hole maze, mirror-ceilinged private rooms, a beautiful swimming pool and hot music. I must mention the post-industrial decor. It's very reminiscent of Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation 1814" music video. Man, if only the water pipes could talk.
2107 4th St. (510) 845-8992. www.steamworksbaths.com/berkeley
photo: courtesy The Watergarden
The Watergarden
If you happen to trek down San Jose way, The Watergarden is a sure bet for a clean-up in the sex and bathing department. With a South Bay clientele that includes Latino hunks, and special events that showcase live nude shows by visiting porn studs, you can swim, shower and suck to your heart's content.
1010 The Alameda, San Jose. (408) 275-1215. www.thewatergarden.com
Blow Buddies
Meanwhile, back in San Francisco, Blow Buddies, the oral sex emporium, is a must-visit. Their themed night are very popular. It's a large establishment, with excellent clientele and cool décor; very open, yet intimate. There is only one admission, at a great price. Many men go there, get on theier knees and do what they have to do. Theme nights offer a range for all tastes. With clothes check, condoms and lube, plus washing stations, and a reputation that's been documented in hundreds of porn videos, you're sure to get laid at least once in this erotic establishement.
933 Harrison St. 777-4323. www.blowbuddies.com
The Hole In The Wall
Now let's discuss the bars, shall we? The Hole In The Wall, known for its atypical hard rock tunes (often spun by DJ Don Baird) proves that yes, you can meet someone in this great institution of diversity and debauchery this weekend, and in the crowd, probably pull some pants down and have a great episode. Being right in the path of the Up Your Alley events, it'll be crowded this weekend. Be safe and respectful, while having a good time. The draft beers and wild decorations are sure to inspire a sexy trip.
1369 Folsom St. www.hitws.com
The Eagle
The Eagle has been rebooted! Bears, cubs, and all sorts of men, women and transfolk have embraced the re-opened, beautifully renovated and vaunted leather bar. Of course, there will be hot, geared-up, horny guys who've come a long way to see the improvements in this bedrock of butchness. Men being men, things will heat up with potential heavy action, right next to jovial cameraderie. Get yourself a beer, take off some clothes and let the fantasy take you. Sunday's beer bust will see a lot of spillover from the street fair. But every night should be crowded.
398 12th St. at Harrison. www.sf-eagle.com
photo: Rich Stadtmiller
The Lone Star
Unpretentious, up-front, down-home men doing their thing; hanging out and being friendly. Yes, it is bear centeral, but all types of people are welcome. You can let yourself go and do things that gay men do with each other to become really good friends. Leave your judgements outside, and enjoy the open back patio by day or night.
1354 Harrison St. www.lonestarsf.com
The Powerhouse
How can I explain it? On many nights, The Powerhouse becomes a hot, rockin', ass-smackin' porn set that would make Chi Chi LaRue faint dead away in her Christian Louboutin pumps. The cruising action in the Powerhouse's back room is quite notorious, and the front room often features nearly naked gogo guys and sex-themed shows and benefits.
For Dore weekend, the bar is packed to capacity. Be prepared to wait in line, visitors and locals. Also, be prepared to be snug up against any numbers of pairs and trios of guys making out.
1347 Folsom St. www.powerhousebar.com
photo: Cornelius Washington
The Nob Hill Theater
No, it's not in the SoMa/Castro area, but, hot damn, it's good! I've had such great times each time I've gone there, but, I've noticed someone who takes his sex very seriously; porn beast, Casey Williams. I have seen him seduce men into doing things that I do not have the vocabulary to write about. I wanted his opinion on how men should deal with each other this weekend.
His response, "First of all, you need some muscle to back up your article. Meet me at The Nob Hill Theater, and bring your cameras!"
I did. And he made them sizzle! Our 20-minute photo session stretched into over three hours. When we entered the lobby (to towel off and come up for air), Larry, the NHT's co-owner, gave me this quote for all of the dudes coming in to do what they want to do.
Larry said, "Visit us. We have two hot porn studs doing live performances, with full sex at the 10pm show. Our sexy house dancers are ready for you, too. Our video arcade, patio, stripper pole lounge, underground play room and two private performance areas can accommodate all of your safe-sex desires. We are what you want in adult entertainment, here in San Francisco."
It suddenly occurred to me to ask Casey his plans for this weekend. His beautiful blue eyes twinkled as he said, "I want the studs to come see me go-go dance at the 'Bay of Pigs' event, at The Factory (525 Harrison Street) 9pm-4am, where I'll show them what I've got!"
I mustered enough courage to ask him what kind of sex he was looking for this weekend. He replied, "Nothing more or less than what I always get; good, hot, safe oral sex, but, I know that men come from all over the world to get freaky, so, what I want to say to them is to go ahead and live out your fantasies. Be wild, but, be wise."
And that means safe sex, guys.
729 Bush St. at Powell St. 781-9468. www.thenobhilltheatre.com
Other Kinks
For our straight and bisexual readers, the Power Exchange at 220 Jones Street, offers men and women a chance to get their sex on, with various events. 487-9944. www.powerexchange.com
Although you can find more information on leather and kink events in the Leather Events listings, The SF Citadel at 1277 Mission Street, is worth an extra mention. Calling itself "The Bay Area's Premier Community Dungeon," the spanking benches, spreader bars, and medical exam room will keep you occupied for hours. Go ahead and get carried away, but don't forget your manners: disruptively loud whip-cracks are frowned upon. www.sfcitadel.org
Last resort or retro Tenderloin sleaze? The Tearoom Theater at 145 Eddy Street, has been open for more than four decades. Traditionalists will appreciate the old-timey charm, intimate theater seats, and the low lighting. Remember to bring cash for the $12 cover and the selection of DVDs available for purchase.
If you are still able, ready and willing, still get your freak on, here's your nightcap. The day after Dore Alley Festival is the bi-monthly gathering of the SF Jacks, a masturbation-only meeting, that happens at the venerable Center for Sex & Culture, 1349 Mission St., starting at 7:30pm (www.sexandculture.org). Get there on time to take advantage of the entire event. Full nudity is mandatory. $7.00 donation is requested. Reach out and touch someone, in a low-key, leisurely, all-body types celebration! It's very reaffirming, on every level, and isn't that what sexuality is all about?