Returning from an amazing East Coast trip for the Gay Men's Health Summit and AIDS 2012 (the International AIDS Conference), I found myself reminded of all I had to be grateful for. A week of happy reunions with old friends, enriching encounters with new ones, and a host of other unexpected blessings inspired this collection of "Be-Gay-Attitudes."
Blessed Are The Grassroots Organizers. After years of protests and professional conferences, I was primed for a grassroots gathering focused on queer men's health. The 2012 Gay Men's Health Summit in Washington, D.C., though, marked the first time I was able to attend such an event. It proved to be a wonderful chance to share and learn in a community of peers committed to creating a more vibrant queer men's community. From workshops to talking circles to shared meals and late nights in the bars and clubs of D.C., I delighted in the chance to bond with my brothers in queer health activism from Seattle to Sri Lanka.
Blessed Are Colleagues Who Teach, Support, and Inspire. I headed off to the summit and AIDS 2012 in good company. My Positive Force teammates, Jorge Vieto and Justin Jones, joined me in sharing our experiences in peer-based health advocacy for gay/bi/trans poz men, alongside activists from across the country and around the world. The experience we shared in D.C. went well beyond just co-facilitating a presentation together, it also underscored how our individual perspectives on HIV and the queer male experience were uniquely colored by our experience as gay guys living within "the bubble" of San Francisco.
Blessed Is the Opportunity to Share Sister Ministry in Faraway Lands. My alter ego, Sister Eden Asp, took part in the D.C. adventure, too. Other Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence there included Sister Glo of the Seattle House, Sister Loosey of the Las Vegas House, and fellow San Franciscan, Sister Vicious Power Hungry Bitch. While there, we read names of our dearly departed Nuns of the Above, at the Names Project quilt display, and took part in Global Village events at AIDS 2012.
I don't think the citizens of D.C. were quite ready for the Sisters. For many, it was their first time to see queer drag nuns in action. Our presence inspired a lot of curiosity and a lot of smiles. It was an honor to bring our fabulously "off-center" San Francisco values to D.C.
Blessed are Kindred Spirits and Like-Minded Activists from Far Afield. The men I had the pleasure of meeting, learning from, and playing with during the summit and AIDS 2012 reaffirmed for me that I'm not alone when it comes to the kind of queer men's community I want to co-create: A community that celebrates its diversity, that lifts up the goodness of pleasure and sexuality, one that views our well-being in the broadest of terms, rather than through the narrow lens of HIV, and one that works to affirm and promote our well-being with an assets-based mindset. I left D.C. ever more convinced that advancing the well-being of queer men means honoring the passion, creativity, transgressiveness, and resilience that has sustained us through decades of challenges and victories.
Blessed Is the Joy of Hot Sex w/Fast Friends and Long Distance Lovers. Gather together thousands of gay men far from the constraints of their work-a-day lives for a big national discussion on health and sexuality, and there's bound to be some stellar spontaneous erotic combustion. In addition to the thrill of unplanned, random conference connections (which were abundant and delightful), I had the pleasure of consummating two long-term cyber courtships.
I know it's easy to dis hookup site romance as the most shallow of queer erotic endeavors. I beg to differ. The two online buddies I finally met during my D.C. adventure were men that I'd grown to know and admire over the course of a couple of years, not just for their ability to balance laptops, webcams, and lube, but for the conversations that continued well after clothes went back on and the silicone was wiped from the keyboard. Meaning and significance in our relationships, I believe, has more to do with what you invest in them than where you met or what technology enabled your communication.
Blessed Are Reunions with Old Friends and Longtime Allies. The conferences also provided a timely reminder of the value of old friends and allies. For me, this took the form of time shared with two heterosexual women who have stood shoulder to shoulder with me on issues that ranged from the personal (my wedding) to the political (my wedding). They're the same friends who stuck by me through the difficult moments when that relationship ended, and through countless other sorrows and celebrations.
These reunions recalled for me memories of other allies as well, not present in D.C., but not forgotten. In particular, I thought back to several long lost lesbian friends who 20-ish years ago suggested that I get involved in AIDS activism and who inspired me with their deep compassion for those living with HIV. Their encouragement was a critical piece of my story and my journey within the LGBT community.
Blessed is Being Reminded of Opportunities for Everyday Gratitude. Finally, my time spent at these gatherings underscored all the everyday blessings that are so easy to take for granted. Blessing like just living here in beautiful San Francisco. Working for Positive Force, doing exactly the kind of work I've always wanted to do. Or just being a gay man here in the Center of the Known Queer Universe, in the company of so many lovely friends and friendly lovers. At the end of the day, being able to say that I'm happy, healthy, and at peace with who I am and what I'm doing with my life is the best "be-gay-attitude" of all.
Brad Vanderbilt, a.k.a. Bradley Hart, works as a treatment advocacy coordinator for the San Francisco AIDS Foundation's Positive Force program. He is also known as Sister Eden Asp with the San Francisco Motherhouse of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.