Robert Dockendorff, a gay man, Navy veteran, and longtime supporter of LGBTQ causes, died Monday, December 9, at his home in San Francisco. He was 85.
Mr. Dockendorff had fought chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or COPD, for several years, his caregiver Joey Jones told the Bay Area Reporter. Mr. Dockendorff had been hospitalized shortly before his passing but returned home, Jones said in a phone interview.
"He went the way he wanted to," Jones, a gay man, said.
Byron McQuarters Norris, a gay Black man who had been Mr. Dockendorff's longtime friend and roommate until last year, told the B.A.R. in a phone interview that Mr. Dockendorff "made sure he was home."
Gay former San Francisco supervisor Tom Ammiano, who went on to serve in the state Assembly, honored Mr. Dockendorff for his contributions to the LGBTQ community around 2009, he wrote in a message to the B.A.R. Norris recalled that he and Mr. Dockendorff went to Sacramento for the ceremony.
"Bob was a behind-the-scenes activist, one of the rare ones who didn't care for the spotlight," Ammiano stated. "An unsung hero whose generosity to just causes knew no bounds. Visiting with him these past months was a real privilege. Sharing many memories and laughs. One I remember was how he took the bus with Harvey Milk after meetings and their conversations. Rest in power my friend."
Over the years, Mr. Dockendorff gave of his time and financial donations to various LGBTQ groups. These included several organizations that no longer exist, such as the Cable Car Awards, Operation Concern, and the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network. He was active in arts causes as well, helping finance a documentary on lesbian pioneer Sally Gearhart, Jones said.
He was also active in local politics, donating to candidates. Mr. Dockendorff served as president of the Harvey Milk LGBTQ Democratic Club in 1990. He also served on the San Francisco Ethics Commission, said gay attorney Paul Melbostad, who served with Mr. Dockendorff on the panel.
Ed Harrington, a gay man who's a former San Francisco controller, said that he appointed Mr. Dockendorff to the ethics panel, which was established by voters in 1993. (The controller was one of several elected officials responsible for naming its members at that time.)
"Bob was a wonderful guy," Harrington said in a brief phone interview. "He had a real sense of integrity. Bob was my first appointee."
Harrington added that ethics commission staff may not have always enjoyed working with Mr. Dockendorff because "he pushed to get stuff done. He wanted staff to get stuff done."
Mr. Dockendorff's professional career was spent at the Pacific Maritime Association, which he went to work for after leaving the Navy. He rose through the ranks to be president of communications and research and worked there for 33 years until his retirement, according to an obituary published by a mortuary in Iowa, where he grew up.
In a video interview made in June 2015 by gay filmmaker David Weissman, Mr. Dockendorff said he was forced to retire from the military because he was gay. He said that he received an honorable discharge in 1981.
Norris confirmed that account, saying at the time of his retirement Mr. Dockendorff was a captain in the Naval Reserves, where he served for 22 years.
"He loved the military and would have stayed," Norris said.
Mr. Dockendorff served for three years on active duty in Vietnam. He said in the video that he first arrived in San Francisco in 1965 to "reactivate a ship that was going to Vietnam." The first place he went to was a gay bar, he said.
"I was aware of San Francisco's reputation when I saw the Life magazine article about the decadence in the South of Market area," he laughingly told Weissman, referring to the infamous 1964 "Homosexuality in America" article the magazine published that grabbed attention at the time.
But he soon left for Vietnam, where he said it was "challenging trying to keep a bunch of screwball boats operating." He was at one point sent to Sydney, Australia for rest and relaxation, or R&R, but returned to Vietnam just before the Tet Offensive in January 1968. That operation involved a series of coordinated attacks by the North Vietnamese and Viet Kong forces against South Vietnam.
"It was an ugly time," Mr. Dockendorff recalled of the war in the video, adding that he and fellow servicemembers did get newspapers, including the military's Stars and Stripes, and learned that support for the war was quickly eroding in the U.S.
Mr. Dockendorff's forced exit from the Navy later led to his involvement in SLDN, which was established to fight for repeal of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that Congress passed in 1994 during the Clinton administration. SLDN also assisted those who were discharged from the military for being gay or lesbian. Unlike Mr. Dockendorff, many received other than honorable or dishonorable discharges. Congress finally repealed DADT in December 2010. President Barack Obama signed the legislation, which went into effect a year later, in 2011.
Mr. Dockendorff celebrated the repeal in San Francisco, joining other veterans and activists.
Civic life
Mr. Dockendorff enjoyed his life in San Francisco. Gwenn Craig, a Black lesbian, former city police commissioner, and longtime Milk club member, told the B.A.R. in a phone interview that she served with him on the board of the Cable Car Awards. Those awards, handed out at what was then the event of the season, recognized LGBTQ leaders in an array of categories, from sports to elected officials to activists and more, Craig said. The awards ran from 1979 to 1993.
"They were highly prized," Craig recalled of the awards.
Then, Mr. Dockendorff decided to get more politically active.
"Bob had an interest in politics and surprised us by throwing his hat into the ring for president of the Milk club," Craig said. "He turned out to be highly effective. Under his tenure the club's Black Caucus was formed. He helped diversify the club."
Norris, who was inspired by Mr. Dockendorff's idea for the Black Caucus, decided to join the club. Norris said that he and other new Black members of the Milk club quickly created the caucus. That led to an increase of Black membership of the club. And Norris said that Mr. Dockendorff supported creation of the Latino Caucus.
Craig said that she had spent time visiting with Mr. Dockendorff in recent months. "He really enjoyed talking about the politics of the day," she said.
Mr. Dockendorff said in the video that he knew Milk, who became the first gay person to win elected office in California when he was successful in his race for a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in 1977. Milk and then-mayor George Moscone were assassinated in November 1978 by disgruntled ex-supervisor Dan White.
Milk, a progressive, was also "pragmatic," Mr. Dockendorff said in the video.
Mr. Dockendorff traced his progressive political leanings back to high school when the class took a field trip to the Ralston Purina factory in St. Louis and Mr. Dockendorff saw whites-only water fountains for the first time. "That's when I knew the world was screwed up," he said in the video.
"My politics became progressive, left wing. Hanging out with Harvey Milk didn't help," he quipped in the video. "He was an incredible person. He was an incredible guy."
Cleve Jones, a gay man and longtime HIV/AIDS activist, worked with Milk and remembered Mr. Dockendorff.
"He was such a kind man," Jones said in a brief phone interview. "He was kind, he was smart, he was principled. It's a loss."
Mr. Dockendorff said in the video that he periodically served on the board of the more moderate Alice B. Toklas LGBTQ Democratic Club, but "they were way too conservative for me."
Mark Leno, a gay man who served as a former supervisor and state legislator, recalled his longtime friend, whom he said supported his political campaigns over the years.
"I have such high regard for him," Leno said in a phone interview. "He was an old-school gentleman in every sense of the word. He was thoughtful, he was generous, and he was encouraging. He would always fight for the underdog."
Leno said that in addition to financially donating to political candidates, Mr. Dockendorff was a major philanthropist.
"He was enormously generous with his own resources," Leno said. "He was always supporting candidates and causes and our community-based nonprofits, especially during the pandemic."
Early life
Mr. Dockendorff was born March 23, 1939 and grew up in Burlington, Iowa. He was the son of Henry and Dorothy Dockendorff.
"I knew at a very early age I liked boys," he said in the video interview. "Matching up boy-girl, I'd go on a double date to be around the boys I liked."
He said he played high school sports — basketball and football — and was in the choir, band, and involved with the yearbook.
Mr. Dockendorff graduated with a master's degree from the University of Iowa.
He enlisted in the Naval Reserve in 1962 and recalled his pre-induction physical.
"They still had that form — do you have homosexual tendencies? I honestly could answer no because I was way beyond tendencies," he said in the video.
He said that he then went to officer candidate school in Newport, Rhode Island and from there embarked on his naval career.
Joey Jones, Mr. Dockendorff's caregiver, said that plans for a public memorial have not yet been decided. Mr. Dockendorff will be laid to rest in the family plot in Iowa, he said, and that's expected to take place within the next week.
According to the obituary, Mr. Dockendorff is survived by a sister, Linda Johnson, of Los Altos, California, and nieces and nephews.
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