AIDS researcher Jeff S. Stryker dies

  • by Sari Staver
  • Wednesday February 8, 2023
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Jeff S. Stryker. Photo: Courtesy Bill Aseltyne
Jeff S. Stryker. Photo: Courtesy Bill Aseltyne

HIV researcher Jeff S. Stryker, a highly respected policy analyst, journalist, and activist who fought for improved treatment and prevention services, died suddenly December 24 at Yale New Haven Hospital in Connecticut after he suffered a heart attack at home. The cause of death was septic shock, according to Stryker's husband, attorney Bill Aseltyne.

Mr. Stryker, a 68-year-old gay man, lived in San Francisco from 1990-2007, working for a wide range of government and private organizations, including the Institute of Medicine and UCSF's Center for AIDS Prevention Services.

Colleagues admired Mr. Stryker's intelligence and drive.

"I had the privilege of working with Jeff at CAPS," Tom Coates, Ph.D., a former executive director of CAPS, wrote in an email. "He was an amazing intellect and brilliant writer. His perspective on HIV prevention was spot on. I'm so sad to see him go."

Coates said that Mr. Stryker worked closely with Congressmember Nancy Pelosi's (D-San Francisco) staff to apply their research findings to major HIV legislation. Coates is now the director of the University of California Global Health Institute at UCLA.

Mr. Stryker moved to Connecticut in 2007 after his husband accepted a job at Yale. In San Francisco, Aseltyne was vice president and deputy general counsel at Sutter Health. Mr. Stryker pivoted his part-time writing to a full-time job. In addition to HIV, LGBTQ, and trans rights, Mr. Stryker wrote about a wide range of topics, including one of his pet subjects — animal rights.

Bill Aseltyne, left, joined son Darius and husband Jeff Stryker in an undated photo. Photo: Courtesy Bill Aseltyne  

The couple's life changed dramatically in 2009 after they adopted a 4-year-old boy, Darius, who is now 18. Mr. Stryker became a stay-at-home dad, a job "he really, really loved," said Aseltyne in a phone interview.

"Jeff had been in his element as a stay-at-home dad, devoted to their time spent together," Aseltyne said.

"Jeff fervently believed it was a privilege to be Darius' father. After Darius reconnected with his birth mother last year, Jeff was eager to travel to meet her and draw his son's two families together," said Aseltyne.

Bevan Dufty, a gay man who's a former San Francisco supervisor and currently an elected BART director, met Mr. Stryker years ago when the two lived in Washington, D.C. In an email, Dufty wrote, "Jeff Stryker became a thought leader and public health advocate around HIV and AIDS. He was an important voice, challenging [then-President] Ronald Reagan and others who ignored AIDS and allowed gay men to die."

Dufty also recalled Mr. Stryker's "mischievous" sense of humor. "Jeff had a great sense of humor," Dufty added. "Back in the 1980s many gay men would pause and sometimes blanch when Jeff introduced himself. He would quickly smirk and say that he wasn't that Jeff Stryker —acknowledging the biggest, most iconic porn star of that generation."

Dufty, who now has a son, kept up with Mr. Stryker at family week in Provincetown, Massachusetts, where they compared "how much our kids had grown in the past year. Jeff and Bill were such a loving and strong couple," he added.

Aseltyne is mourning the loss of his husband.

"I'm totally devastated," said Aseltyne. After 37 years together, "we were still very much in love," he said. On the evening before his passing, to demonstrate to Darius the love in their marriage, "We slow danced to 'We Kiss in a Shadow' from 'The King and I,'" he wrote in an obituary.

Mr. Stryker also was a devoted guardian over the years to dogs Whitney, Jodie, Foster, Rosebud, Frosty and Houston, who spurred him to live by the phrase "wag more, bark less," said Aseltyne.

Mr. Stryker was born September 28, 1954 in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. He graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in two years, majoring in medical sociology.

He held positions on the President's Commission on Bioethics, under Barack Obama; the U.S. Congressional Office on Technology Assessment; the Hastings Center; the Institute of Medicine; the National Coalition on Healthcare; and the University of Michigan School of Public Health; according to the obituary.

Mr. Stryker was co-editor of a 1993 National Research Council report on the social impact of AIDS and served as staff director of the National Commission on AIDS. He also taught a seminar for the Yale Bioethics program and contributed to the New York Times, Salon, the San Francisco Examiner, the Advocate, Michigan Radio, KQED, and Marketplace.

A memorial service will be held in the spring. Aseltyne asked people who want to donate to a charity to "please choose one that works to make the world a gentler place for others."

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