She may be one of the most recognizable faces of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, but Roma, who is one of the community grand marshals in this year's LGBT Pride Parade, wasn't always the outspoken activist that she is today.
She moved to San Francisco from Michigan immediately after graduating college in 1985. Despite the fact that her hometown of Grand Rapids is very conservative, she still believes that it was a good place to grow up.
"We didn't lock our doors at night," Roma said. "I was lucky in that I had probably one of the best moms in the world, a great family, and lots of close friends."
Roma, not surprisingly, was extremely popular in high school and served as class president all four years. She was on honor roll and in the homecoming court. Although she was happy with her life in Michigan, she always knew that she wanted to move away.
"I have always preferred skyscrapers and busy city streets to trees and winding paths through the woods," she said. "Shopping and fine dining to fishing and cookouts, four-star hotels and a night at the theatre to roughing it and whatever people do at night in the sticks."
Roma, 49, whose real name is Michael Williams, always imagined going to Chicago. But she discovered San Francisco while on a trip during college and was fortunate to be in town during Pride.
"I was just not prepared for it; I had no idea that there were so many gay people in the world. I was surrounded by the love, the excitement, the sex, the joy, the power of the LGBT community, marching down the middle of Market Street," Roma said.
After that, Roma fell in love with San Francisco and knew that it would eventually be home �" 27 years later, no matter how many places in the world she has traveled, she is still happy to come home to the city.
Roma came out in college, though she added, "I don't think I was ever really in."
"I'm not saying that I'm the most obviously gay person in the world, but strangers, babies, and animals can tell just by looking at me. I've always been myself and for some reason, largely I think to the positive reinforcement I got from my mom, I've always felt that if someone has a problem with me that's their problem."
Roma's mother, who initially needed time before coming to terms with her son's sexuality, was soon asking her all sorts of sexual questions and in time became Roma's biggest supporter.
"She loved me more than anything and I felt the same way," said Roma. "She died in 2007 but I know she's still on my side and she's very proud of me. She did a great job, if I do say so myself."
Other than one boyfriend, which Roma had for three months back in Michigan, she has never dated.
"I am in numerous meaningful and vital relationships: I love myself, I love my cats. I love my community. I love attention. I love life. I love my career. These are all important relationships that take up most of my time. I admit that the intimate relationship is one area in which I am seriously lacking but honestly, I feel that if I wanted a boyfriend or a partner I'd have one. I usually get what I want."
Becoming a Sister
In 1987, Roma was celebrating happy hour at the Midnight Sun with a group of friends, watching clips of Designing Women and drinking vodka tonics.
"Suddenly this creature came in �" she looked like a cross between a Vegas showgirl, a clown, and a nun," Roma told the Bay Area Reporter. "She was Sister Luscious Lashes and, for the first time that night, everyone in the bar turned away from the video screens; she commanded their full attention."
Roma was surprised to find out that Luscious was actually her friend Norman Schrader, who had never told her about his alter ego.
"He introduced me to the Order and I started to volunteer with them as a guy, and one day, when we were going off to cheer for the Eagle softball team, he suggested that I just try the makeup," Roma said.
Schrader died in the mid-1990s from AIDS-related complications.
Roma, who had never done drag before, ended up being a natural and eventually joined the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence a few months later.
"I believe that Sisters are born, not made," she said.
Roma earns praise from her fellow Sisters.
"Roma is the quintessential SF 'character,'" said Sister Hera Tique. "She has been working her Sister magic for so long and with such panache that she's become, in some ways, a living symbol of our infamous SF values."
The Sisters, who have courted controversy �" and community support �" by angering the Catholic Church, at times create a stir and Roma said that is one of the highlights, along with bringing a smile to people's faces. And she relishes the attention.
"I will always stop for a picture. I will also stop for a hug, a drink, or a quickie," she laughed.
An outgoing grand marshal
When alerted to her selection as community grand marshal, Roma immediately told San Francisco LGBT Pride Celebration Committee officials that she wanted to be their ambassador and was ready to do everything and anything Pride-related. She has been doing television and radio spots to help promote the weekend and its numerous events. And she helped organize the recent "Be Scene" Pride Committee benefit.
She will be appearing at the Pride media party at the Clift Hotel and the Swallow Your Pride at Harry Denton's Starlight Room tonight (Thursday, June 21) and fellow grand marshal Gary Virginia and B.A.R. society columnist Donna Sachet's 14th annual Pride Brunch on Saturday June 23 at the Hotel Whitcomb. She was also the main attraction at the Sister Roma Roast on June 20.
Roma has raised much money for a variety of causes but none more than HIV/AIDS education, prevention, and practical care. It has been suggested that she has helped raise over $1 million for HIV/AIDS in the last 25 years. She has volunteered as emcee on the main stages of Halloween in the Castro, SF Pride, Folsom Street Fair, and the Castro Street Fair for decades. All of those events raise funds for local nonprofits, many of which serve PWAs. She has hosted countless other events including the AIDS dance-a-thons, AIDS/LifeCycle fundraisers, and has also worked for programs raising awareness and money for breast cancer, LGBT youth, gay artists, anti-homelessness, marriage equality, and anti-bullying, to name a few.
"I don't want to look back at my life and feel like it was all in vain, I want to make a difference, and I will never stop," she said.
Her day job is art director of Hot House Entertainment, billed as the world's premiere gay adult studio.
"Yes, I'm a pornographer," she quipped.
When asked about her major accomplishments, she said, "My major accomplishments range from being elected community grand marshal to cleaning my bathroom �" it's all a matter of perspective," she said.
Roma is also extremely proud of kicking her 15-year-long addiction to meth. She just recently celebrated six years clean.
For now, Roma is looking forward to Pride weekend.
"I'm honored, excited, and humbled by this whole experience," she said. "If someone had told me, back in 1984 when I stood screaming my head off at my first SF Pride Parade, that one day I would be the grand marshal, I never would have believed it."
When asked what advice she would give to the LGBT youth, Roma said, "You will be expected to donate your time and money to the community but beware: this only leads to joy and happiness. The more you give the more you get in return. Expect much love in your lifetime. It's what we do. We love."