Prides become family affairs

  • by Matthew S. Bajko
  • Tuesday June 19, 2007
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Inside an inflatable house twin 2-year-olds Riley and Sean jumped and screamed in delight. Outside the bounce hut stood guard the boys' moms, San Jose residents Laura Straub and Theresa Quigley.

"He is alternately sacred to death and thrilled to death," Straub said of the tumbling Riley.

The family of four was enjoying San Jose Pride's free Saturday Community Day, geared toward LGBT parents and their children. For Straub it was an opportunity not just for an inexpensive outing, but also for her sons to see they aren't the only kids with two moms.

"I hope as they get older we will keep coming so they can see they aren't the only kids with gay parents. This way they can be proud of their moms," said Straub. "It is great socialization with other kids and it is free! When you are raising a family, free is great."

As more same-sex couples and gay singles become parents, Pride organizers throughout the state are working to ensure gay families not only feel welcome at the LGBT celebrations, but that there are activities and "kid-safe" spaces at the events.

Prides are striving to become true family affairs.

"Our community has a fast and growing population of new family units. Gays and lesbians are both having kids," said San Diego Pride Executive Director Ron deHarte. "Those numbers are growing by leaps and bounds. We've never measured it but you can see it along the parade route and at the festival. It is obvious."

At this year's event in July, deHarte said there will be a Family Midway for the first time, grouping together family-focused organizations and vendors near a Ferris wheel and children's garden where kids can do arts and crafts, play games, read books, and watch puppet and clown shows.

The 24-year-old Long Beach Pride always had a children's area but expanded it this year into a Family Fun Zone to accommodate not only toddlers and preschoolers but also kids up to 13 years old.

"One reason why we did it is many of us recognize that people's children are older now," said Vanessa Romain, co-president of the event.

At San Francisco's Pride, parents have two options. They can drop their kids off at a professionally run child daycare center located in the playground near McAllister Street, or they can bring the kids into the Family Garden area near the playground along Grove Street.

The space is an oasis amid the massive Pride crowd, said Oakland resident Maya Scott-Chung, who is raising her 4-year-old daughter Luna with her partner of nine years, MeiBeck Scott-Chung.

"It is like a family reunion," said Maya Scott-Chung, a public health worker and project coordinator of the California Family Unity Network.

It allows the family to not only enjoy Pride but also shield their daughter from sights she is not old enough to see, she said.

"We are a sex-friendly, progressive family but I would rather not have Luna around naked butts at eye level," said Maya Scott-Chung, who identifies as both lesbian and bisexual. "I wouldn't want to go to Pride if we didn't have that space."

"Last year we spent the whole time there," said MeiBeck Scott-Chung, a San Francisco firefighter who identifies as lesbian and transgender. "The parade can be overwhelming for the kids. They are really changing and adapting to our community. I really appreciate that."

This is the third year Pride has hired American Childcare Services to provide the daycare, and the fourth year it has spent $1,000 on the family area, overseen by Our Family Coalition and COLAGE – Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere.

"There wasn't a space for families. Families would march in the parade, but then ask, 'Now what do we do?'" said Aimee Fisher, program director at Our Family Coalition, who teamed up with Meredith Fenton at COLAGE to present Pride with a proposal. "There really needed to be a family-friendly space at Pride."

Fisher, who has a 12-year-old son, said last year about 500 people, both adults and youngsters, took advantage of the family space.

"Children often don't get to celebrate their families. Oftentimes there are problems with homophobia at school or in the family," she said. "When we started we had no idea it would get this huge."

The area has couches for kids – or tired parents – to rest in, arts and crafts, as well as entertainers. This year there will be a new area designated just for parents with toddlers.

San Jose Pride created its separate family day five years ago, said festival director Gary Walker. Attendance ranges between 4,000 to 5,000, not all being parents with their children.

"It started with several friends of board members who had kids and we had straight couples very supportive of the gay community, so we said, wouldn't it be a great way for us to be able to bring our kids and not worry about offensive things in general for children," said Walker. "Let's do a free day and gear it toward families and watch how we book and what we have on stage and in the park that day."

The activities Prides book can be hit or miss. Walker tried a carnival several years ago but it turned out to be too expensive and the kids avoided the rides. This year he brought in the jump house, paint-on tattoos, and pet product vendors so "the kids can buy things for their pets," he said.

"We are incorporating gay teenagers this year as well," added Walker. "We are having a youth dance."

Entertainment this year included a "Gay Idol" competition, drag revue, and a new women's music festival lineup later in the day. Decked out with their new skin art, sisters Lydia, 9, Phoebe, 6, and Esther, 4, sat listening to the singers on stage. Co-parents Stuart Crabb, the girl's father, and Eddie Fourie, who met his partner a year ago, took advantage of the day to bring the girls to their first gay event.

Crabb said Lydia is just now coming to terms with having two dads.

"We wanted the kids to see we aren't the only gay people they know," said Crabb. "I told them where we are going today everyone is going to be gay. I just want them to feel comfortable."

The dads planned to return for the parade the next day but not attend the Sunday's lineup of entertainment, when guests must pay a $15 cover charge. Living in Campbell, Crabb said there are not a lot of resources for gay families or places to meet other gay parents.

Having Pride program activities for families, he said, makes up for that vacuum.

"It is really nice this is happening," he said. "One thing we have learned is gay families aren't that gregarious. You have to hunt them down."