I honestly cannot name more than two movies nominated for Best Picture at The Academy Awards this year. "Nebraska" and "12 Years A Slave." That's it. I only know that because each movie had a star interviewed on late night television recently.
I know what many of you are thinking, my gay card should be revoked immediately. Relax. I'm going to Britney Spears' concert in Vegas, I see a Broadway show every time I'm in New York, I own two Carol King CDs and I moisturize daily. Do I win some gay points back?
I just really don't like to watch movies. But, I do like parties. When it comes to Oscar Sunday, the Academy of Friends Gala is probably the most well known party in San Francisco, if you can afford it. (Tickets are $250) This year's theme for the 34th annual gala is "Return To The Emerald City," and attendees will be treated to food, wine, champagne and of course a viewing of the Oscars as they adventure over the rainbow and to Terra Gallery in San Francisco. The fact that Judy Garland's children Liza Minnelli, Lorna Luft and Joey Luft will appear to commemorate the 75th anniversary of "The Wizard of Oz" makes the annual "Gay Super Bowl" must-see TV.
The Academy of Friends gala is definitely a party thrown for a good cause with proceeds going to HIV and AIDS services. However, when I have extra money in my pocket, it's usually just enough to splurge on putting both Sour Cream and Guacamole in my burrito. If the Academy of Friends gala is out of your price range, I've got you covered with some other Oscar celebration ideas.
The Roxie Theatre will be throwing their Up The Oscars Benefit Bash. Event organizer Mike Keegan says that they will provide some snacks and libations, like any good party host would. However, they encourage others to contribute, like any good party guest should.
Keegan also told me of a cool accidental parallel tradition of the yearly Oscar party.
"People fall in love! Really! For the past six or seven years strangers have met, made out and stayed together for the long haul just because they happened to come and watch the Oscars with a group of strangers."
I bet if you comply and contribute to the libations table, you will also increase your chances of this happening.
You can also head all the way down Mission Street to the land overrun by weekday commuters donning tucked-in button-downs, pleated-front khakis and loud barside conversations about stock portfolios. Fortunately, they mostly hide in The East Bay on the weekend.
So, strap your HazMat suit on and ride the 14 Mission bus to Novela, a book-themed bar which serves "cocktails with character." Novela will be throwing an Oscar-viewing party complete with a star-studded cocktail list, freshly popped popcorn, ballots with prizes as well as projectors and flat screens to watch the awards show on. It's said that the book is usually better than the movie, so head on down to Novela and find out for yourself.
Local venues in the Castro will also show the Oscars, and my guess is you will probably get a free fashion critique of the celebrities' outfits from other watchers. The Midnight Sun will offer the largest screens in the Castro to see who wins best actor and how clogged his pores are.
Beaux boasts that it will offer the most comfortable and luxurious viewing area in the Castro. Meanwhile, Twin Peaks will offer patrons who attended the very first Academy Awards.
Perhaps gathering some friends and watching the awards from the comfort of your own home is more your style. The www.Oscars.org website has an Oscar party kit assembled to help your gathering along, such as ballots and Oscar bingo cards. Their bingo cards have boxes to check off which include Red Dress, Pregnant Actress and Standing Ovation. But, you can make your own and add categories such as "B list actress in audience caught by camera talking crap about who just won," "Worst hair plugs," and "Actress who bought the dress off the rack."
You can double down on the fun and play the "Spot the Scientologist" drinking game, where the first person to see one yells out, "Hail, Xenu!" and then dictates which type of shot everyone in the party must gulp.
Or perhaps every time you honestly hear one of your friends utter, "Girl, what is she wearing?" Bam! You do a shot. Those two drinking games should have you lit before the first commercial break.
Just watching to see which male celebrities act more feminine than emcee Ellen DeGeneres is a treat in itself. Heck, the Oscar statue is more feminine than she is. And, if all else fails, you can get drunk and take turns picking lines from B list movies out of a hat and reading them as if Meryl Streep starred in them.
Because, lets face it, Meryl Streep is like hot sauce. She spices up everything she touches.
The Nominees Are...
From elegant to low-brow, choose from several Oscar-viewing events in the Bay Area on March 2. Or just go to your local bar and bribe the management to put it on the TV, if it isn't on already.
Academy of Friends Gala @ Terra Gallery
The 24th annual Oscar-viewing party and fundraiser for local AIDS/HIV nonprofits this year takes on an Emerald City theme. Expect many Friends of Dorothy, emerald fashions, flying monkeys and even a good/bad witch or two as you enjoy drinks, food, desserts, auction items and a festive Academy Awards event. $250 and up. 5pm-11:30pm. 511 Harrison St. 995-9890. www.academyoffriends.org
Academy Night @ Rialto Cinema, Sebastopol
Food for Thought's annual Oscar night gala fundraiser includes a champagne reception, food from Cottonwood Catering, awards-viewing, and fun with the "Oscar boys." 4:30-11pm. $25-$75. 6868 McKinley Ave., Sebastopol. (707) 525-4840. www.fftfoodbank.org/academy-night-sonoma-county
Academy Awards Party @ New Parkway, Oakland
The East Bay theatre's second annual Oscar event includes a wine, beer and cider cash bar, and viewing on cozy sofas and comfy chairs. $20. 4pm-11pm. 474 24th St. (510) 658-7900. www.thenewparkway.com
CFI Awards Night @ Rafael Film Center
Enjoy appetizers, a gourmet boxed dinner, raffles and silent auctions, and Francis Ford Coppola wines at the theatre's first Oscar event. $55-$1000. 3:30pm-9pm. Christopher B. Smith Rafael Film Center, 1118 Fourth St., San Rafael. 454-1222. www.cafilm.org
Cocktail Viewing Party @ Variety Screening Room
The theatre screening and benefit for Variety Children's Charity of California includes light bites, a hosted bar and snacks. $70-$85. 4:30-10pm. 581 Market St. 781-3894. www.varietync.org
Oscar Party @ Novela
The cool Mission district straight bar hosts a low-key viewing event, with two big TV screens, tasty cocktails, popcorn, and no cover! 662 Mission St. 896-6500. www.novelasf.com
Up the Oscars @ Roxie Theatre
The unoffical anti-Oscar party includes viewing in the theatre with catty comments encouraged, drinks, nibblies (but not too much, so bring your own food and bevs) and irreverent comments from the peanut gallery. $12-$15. 3:45pm-11pm. 3117 16th St. www.roxie.com