Marga Gomez and I were once sitting across from each other at the hair salon but didn't really know each other enough to speak up and say hello. Then, through the stand-up comedy scene, we ultimately became friends.
Now, two weeks before Christmas, doing this interview with Marga was a great excuse for us to get together and share some, ahem, lots of spiked eggnog and see each other before the Christmas holiday and discuss Marga's upcoming New Year's Eve Comedy Show, "Brava's New Years Eve Comedy Fiesta."
Ronn Vigh: You've done a New Year's show yearly for quite a while now, but does Marga Gomez make New Year's resolutions?
Marga Gomez : My New Year's resolution in 2014 is to smile more. I've already begun.... I learned this tip in a Buddhist book I bought at the airport. Now I smile when I exercise, I smile when I'm stressed and I smile when I masturbate -- and my orgasms are way better when I'm smiling. But I don't smile when I'm with somebody else, because it looks like I'm going to kill them.
What's the longest you ever kept a New Year's resolution?
Usually about a week. This year I had a resolution, though I made it in October. It was more like a new month's resolution. It was to make my bed every day and it was amazing for a week and now.... I have shoes on my bed. Do you make your bed everyday?
It gets made but I don't do it, ever. My boyfriend does.
Does he have a sister? Or maybe even a mother?
Yes, but I believe they are both straight.
I'm experienced with straight women!
As I mentioned, New Year's Eve shows are becoming a tradition for you. How many years have you been doing these shows?
I've been doing New Year's at Brava for two years, but before that I did a New Year's show at Theatre Rhino for seven years. It's my favorite holiday. My parents were entertainers who would work on New Year's Eve and they would come home with all the party hats and noisemakers people left behind and I would play with them... because I was an only child.
Your show is called Brava's New Years Eve Comedy Fiesta. What makes it a fiesta?
Brava Theater has this really cool large lobby with couches and Art Deco furnishings. Before you go into the theatre they have a full bar with real alcohol and music and you can come at 8 p.m. for an hour before the show and have cocktails, mingle, cruise people in the lobby, then go in to see the show and then come back out and DJ Mark Mark will be there spinning past midnight. Brava Theatre is known for real kick-ass receptions and you can dance the night away after our show and that's why I wanted to do New Year's with them!
Will you be dancing?
Depends what you mean by dancing. I will be moving. I'm not going to do anything crazy.
You don't have a signature Marga Gomez dance move?
The cabbage patch. And, I'll do the bump. I injured my knee this year, so I will only do things in my upper body. I really belong to the Latinos Who Can't Dance Club. I hate to say this, but I dance like Elaine in "Seinfeld." It's really strange. I dance like there is a white teenage boy inside me really trying to get out. But I like mosh pits. If a mosh pit happens, I'm in.
I'm a terrible dancer myself.
I don't think any comedian should dance, really, because we're deep down all too self-conscious.
Okay, you're not keen on dancing. But do you have any fears?
Right now, my biggest fear is that someone on MUNI will elbow me in the eye. I just got new glasses.
A lot worse could happen on MUNI, though.
Oh, wait. I know my biggest fear is that my teeth will crumble out like in that dream where they all fall out.
I hate those.
Oh wait, my most common fear is missing a plane. I've been so close. But, I haven't. They often shut the door right behind me.
I've missed a plane twice. They shut the door right in front of me. I'm afraid of drowning.
Driving?
No drowning. But, now that you say that, I realize both you and my boyfriend don't know how to drive.
There. That's my New Year's resolution! And, I know someone in his fifties who just got his license this year and his life has really changed because of it. I really want to learn but it doesn't mean I have to do it. Just learn.
Have you ever thought of going by a stage name?
I was just thinking about that. Getting a different persona, because I really want to do an act different than mine, maybe more offensive than I usually do, but I'm really afraid of offending somebody. I'm kind of a codependent comedian. Then I thought, if something is funny and I feel it, I should be able to say it, but I can't do that now as Marga Gomez, so I should just get a new name and do it and bring that act to different clubs.
So, you also have costars at the New Year's Eve Comedy Fiesta?
Oh yeah, I got to have my crew and we're all friends. DJ Mark Mark has worked with me on the other New Year's Eve shows and I have comedians, Dhaya Lakshminarayanan and Micia Mosely. They're the perfect combination of silly and intelligent.
What's your most memorable New Year's Eve?
Well, on New Year's Eve 2012, I injured my leg and had to get surgery. I was trying to keep up with the hot Latinas dancing and I hurt my leg. So, I've learned that New Year's is better if I'm on stage. It's the safest place to be.
If you weren't Marga Gomez the entertainer, what do you suppose you would be doing?
I'd probably run a restaurant. Isn't that the same as show business?
Have you worked in a restaurant before?
Yes, and I'm a terrible waitress. I was fired. I had a job in Noe Valley and I was fired after two weeks. They fired me by saying that the money was always off when I worked, but I think the real reason was that I was such a terrible waitress. But they didn't know how to tell me that, so it was easier to call me a thief.
What's ahead for Marga Gomez?
I'm premiering my tenth solo show, and it's really the most ambitious thing I've ever done. I'm playing all different characters, creating a fictional romantic comedy, and it's running for two months at The Marsh. And, I'm also going to perform at an Olivia vacation's cruise to Amsterdam!
Before the interview, we were discussing the signature questionnaire in Vanity Fair inspired by Marcel Proust, so I thought I'd end by asking you one question from it. And that is, 'What is the quality you most like in a man?'
Gayness.
The New Year's Eve Comedy Fiesta at Brava Theater stars Marga Gomez, Dhaya Lakshminarayanan and Micia Mosely, who perform stand-up for a holiday party with dancing, a champagne toast and DJ Mark Mark. $30. 9pm. 2781 24th St. www.brava.org
Marga Gomez' Lovebirds plays at The Marsh, 1062 Valencia St., January 23 through March 15, 2014. www.themarsh.org www.margagomez.com