At the recent Ms. San Francisco Leather contest held on October 3, 2015 at Hotel Whitcomb, four women competed to be Ms. SF Leather 2016. It was a fun and well run contest and I'll mention more about it in a moment.
But first, and I'm not sure why, spending time at the contest and watching the crowd and the contest itself prompted some thinking that has compelled me to address it here as an observation I think is pertinent. Hopefully it's also useful. Sometimes my brain starts thinking about things at the most unusual of times. Sitting in the front row of the audience watching the Ms. SF Leather contest is as good a time as any I guess.
So what was I thinking about? Earlier in the day I had watched a wonderful TED Talk by Emilie Wapnick on why some of us don't have one true calling. Look it up. I recommend it.
At the core of Wapnick's talk was the contention that while society and culture drive us to attempt to focus on just one calling, one life path, the truth is that many of us (I'm one) don't have just one primary life interest and are, instead, what Wapnick refers to as "multipotentialites."
Multipotentialites find their greatest life satisfaction and success pursuing multiple avenues of learning, activity and expression in their personal and professional lives. A lot of Wapnick's talk is beautifully summed up in her quote, "Embrace your inner wiring, whatever that may be."
Another conclusion drawn by Wapnick is that while our culture wrongly attempts to direct everyone into a monolithic path of specialization, we also need the generalists. We need people with a wide cross section of life experience, learning and skill sets just as much as we need the specialists. As Wapnick points out, it's often a combination of people with a deep specialization in something paired with the generalist's skill set of idea synthesis, rapid learning and adaptability, which produces the most optimal results. In short, we need both types of people.
So what does any of that have to do with leather and kink? When it comes to our scene, I believe we violate the embracing of our inner wiring too often and it hurts both individual kinksters and our overall kink culture as a result.
Think of some of the messages we sometimes hear. No, you can't dress that way and be a proper leatherperson. Switches (erotically versatile) people aren't as good at BDSM and kink as those exclusively top or bottom. Expressing any femininity runs counter to the gay male leather aesthetic. That player is better because they specialize in only a certain type of kink play. People who embrace leather and kink as a lifestyle and identity are inherently better kinksters than those who might only dip their toe into the bathwater of kink now and then. And so on. All of it utter bullshit, but we hear it all the time, either overtly or as subtle underlying directives.
So why is this important? It's important because when a subculture like ours sends messages to its newcomers and old timers alike that they must essentially pigeonhole themselves into a specialization if they are to be really good at and satisfied with this erotic stuff we do, we do both them and the entire scene a disservice. Sure, someone might be quite happy always dressing per some codified uniform of leather or specializing in doing nothing but suspending people in ornate rope harnessing. Sure, someone might indeed be practically deified because they can pull off a Dominant/submissive dynamic that resembles the iconic imagery founded from the Drummer mindset of yore. But that doesn't make them "better" as a leatherperson or kinkster in any way. It just makes them a specialist. Which is awesome. More power to them. We need them.
But we also need our generalists! We also need people who buck the conventions. Who dress as they wish. Who have sex and play in a multitude of ways that span a wide spectrum of BDSM and kink. Who move between roles and positions in their play because that's what is most genuine for them. Who mingle in mixed pansexual circles as others prefer to commune only with their own kind. Who don't consider the path to becoming a good leatherperson or kinkster as set and rigid. We need these people just as much as we need the specialists.
I fear our scene will stagnate and stop growing unless we acknowledge this truth. We need our version of the specialists. We need our version of the generalists. Together they feed a robust and vibrant scene. Each alone might end up manifesting a scene that's ultimately dull and lifeless. Diversity breeds expansion. Lack of diversity breeds stagnation.
So no matter how you might categorize yourself, as a specialist or generalist, know that your place in our scene is needed. You are needed to keep this scene of ours hot and exciting. At the same time however, no matter which of the two camps you are in, lobbing attacks at those who choose differently is misguided. It displays ignorance at how life really works, and how our scene really works.
So I repeat Wapnick's wise words, "Embrace your inner wiring, whatever that may be."
Now that I have that off my chest, back to the Ms. SF Leather contest that spawned all that thinking.
A diverse group of four talented contenders took the stage and competed for the coveted title of Ms. San Francisco Leather 2016 before a packed house. Competing were SaraMara, Stela D. Love, Eden Alexander, and Tali Tart. I was impressed with them all and each clearly brought unique backgrounds and skill sets to their candidacies for the title.
A dedicated set of five judges interviewed each contestant before the public portion of the contest. Head Judge this year was Daddy Vick Germany, San Francisco Dyke Daddy 2002. Joining Vick on the judging panel were: Val Langmuir, Ms. San Francisco Leather 2013; Thib Guicherd-Callin, Mr. Santa Clara County Leather 2012; Ms. Willow Kat, who with her triad holds the title of International Power Exchange 2015; and Madame Estrella, a respected BDSM educator and performance artist.
After an opening number by Madame Estrella and Loretta Hintz, the show was emceed by Miss Bethie Bee, Ms. SF Leather 2011, and Q Wilson, International Ms. Bootblack 2008. They did a superb job of entertaining the audience with their banter and humor. Each contestant presented a fantasy, answered a pop question, gave a short speech, and helped the emcees in auctioning a basket of donated items.
International Ms. Leather and International Ms. Bootblack producer Sharrin Spector also announced the judges and emcees for the 2016 IMsL/IMsBB contest, to be held April 14-17, 2016, in San Jose.
Outgoing titleholder, Little Bad Daddy, gave a personal, reflective speech about her title year, and received a proclamation congratulating her on an excellent year of service by the office of State Senator Mark Leno.
Let me take a moment here to congratulate Liza Sibley, Executive Producer, and Jody, Producer, along with the dozens of their production team members and volunteers, sadly too long to list here, for a great contest.
All of the contestants did an excellent job. The title ultimately went to Stela D. Love, who I believe has the potential to beautifully represent both the specialists and generalists of our scene to which I alluded earlier.
I asked Stela, a self-professed gender outlaw, artist, activist and producer, how they envision using their upcoming title year?
"Work hard and play hard. In all seriousness, I want to use my year leading conversations about gender, leaving labels behind, breaking the gender binary, and embracing non-conformity. My hope would be to create the space to discuss and educate young and old, for a happier freer people."
Happy trails Stela. May you have an amazing title year, whether you embrace the specialist, generalist, or a mix of both, in your own life.