Where are the potted palms? The current tenant at the Geary Theater suggests an afternoon salon with tea and cakes to follow. What it doesn't suggest is a proper celebration of Ethel Merman, despite a subtitle staking claim to that proposition.
Call Me Miss Birds Eye: A Celebration of Ethel Merman is a curiously wan exercise from the Australia-based Acoustic Voice. This is a company that eschews amplification, and while the legendary belter is a prime candidate for the mikeless approach, the results are undercut by a haphazard biographical narrative and, more problematically, by lackluster vocal performances.
In other situations, Denise Wharmby's pleasantly genteel voice might be at home, but while it's enough to project at least to the orchestra level at the Geary, her vocals are far removed from the brassy sound that the two narrators keep reminding us Merman owned. Wharmby enunciates the lyrics, but the words gather in thin puddles rather than merrily splashing through the melodies. Such great songs that Merman introduced on Broadway as "I Got Rhythm," "You're the Top," and "I Get a Kick Out of You" are actually diminished in these interpretations that wind down when they should be trumpeting up to their final notes.
The genesis of the show goes back to 1985, when theater critic Jack Tinker wrote and narrated a Merman tribute (with comic actress Libby Morris singing Merman's songs) that was part of a series of short-run showcases in London. Acoustic Voice uncovered Tinker's script a couple of years ago (was someone actually looking for it?), and the SF run is heralded as the "North American premiere." It is also being promoted as the "pre-Broadway run," an outcome that is highly dubious.
The narrator's role has been split between Don Bridges and Martin Grimwood, an odd couple with the former coming across as a grizzled musical-hall veteran, and the latter as someone who might be cast as an ominous assassin in a spy movie, with his hulking presence and shaved head. They also sing their share of songs together and apart, with occasional fumbles, and while Bridges has enough personality to get away with a limited voice, Grimwood generally sinks to a nadir in a particularly dreary effort on "Do I Love You?"
The narration provides a bit of personal information about Merman mixed in with career notes, with confusing choices limiting its effort at much of a dramatic arc. While Wharmby does get to speak as Merman, some of the key lines, including the anecdote that inspired the Miss Birds Eye title, are tossed off by the narrators. And when we are told that Jerry Herman wrote two songs for Merman to sing when she joined the cast of Hello, Dolly!, Wharmby ends up singing the traditional first-act finale "Before the Parade Passes By." (Those interpolated songs are heard earlier without explanation.)
Rick Wallace is credited with both the bare-bones direction and choreography, with Acoustic Voice founder and artistic director Graham Clarke getting spinet sounds out of a grand piano. It's emblematic of the show, and especially of a central performance that would have Ethel Merman stomping down the theater aisle shouting, "Sing out, Denise."
Call Me Miss Birds Eye: A Celebration of Ethel Merman will run through July 19 at the Geary Theater. Tickets are $20- $65. Call (415) 749-2228.