The notion that there are 12 days of Christmas, at least nowadays, is less likely to arise from Biblical interpretations than that song that goes on for 12 verses about a partridge in a pear tree. Now that I have wormed that refrain into your head, let's talk about 12 shows that promise to add a little more fizz to the holiday cheer.
1. Santa Claus Is Coming Out created a stir when playwright-actor Jeffrey Solomon first performed his one-man show in New York (Bill O'Reilly was not amused). Now Solomon's Santa Claus is coming to town, with Solomon himself playing 20 characters who rattle St. Nick's closet when a small boy asks for a doll for Christmas. It runs Dec. 19-24, in repertory with David Sedaris' Santa Land Diaries, at the Eureka Theatre. Info at combinedartform.com.
2. Christmas with the Crawfords, created by Artfull Circle Theatre two decades ago, hasn't been seen in these parts for quite a while. But if you include Yountville as part of these parts, then the satire of 1940s Hollywood is coming home. Napa Valley Performing Arts Center is presenting Richard Winchester and Mark Sargent's version of a star-studded holiday party that falls out of its hostess' steely grip. Katya Smirnoff-Skyy is Joan Crawford in the new production playing Dec. 6-7. Info at lincolntheater.com.
3. The Golden Girls: The Christmas Episodes is a fresh edition of an eight-year-old holiday tradition. Two new yuletide episodes from the TV series will be staged live Dec. 5-22 at the Victoria Theatre, but the drag-star cast remains the same: Heklina as Dorothy, Cookie Dough as Sophia, Matthew Martin as Blanche, and Pollo del Mar as Rose. Tickets at trannyshack.com.
4. It's Christmas, Carole! is the newest creation from the gang that sent an 80-year-old Alice back down the rabbit hole in Wunderworld last summer. This time, Dickens' A Christmas Carol is put into writer Michael Phillis' creative blender, introducing a grumpy modern-day office-worker (Sara Moore) who becomes a convert to glad tidings after a few ghostly visits. Aimed at an all-age demographic, the 50-minute show is described as a "human cartoon." Performances are Dec. 12-22 at Yerba Buena's Creativity Theatre. Tickets at itschristmascarole.com.
5. Crones for the Holidays: The Sequel reunites lesbian playwright Terry Baum and housewife-turned-comic Carolyn Myers, a team also known as the Crackpot Crones, for more standup and sketch comedy aimed at holiday diversion and subversion. Performances Dec. 14-19 at the Exit Theatre. Tickets at crackpotcrones.com.
6. Help Is on the Way for the Holidays returns for its 12th gathering of Broadway and cabaret stars under the aegis of the Richmond/Ermet AIDS Foundation. Cast members from the touring production of The Book of Mormon and NCTC's Avenue Q are on the bill along with Bruce Vilanch, Tim Hockenberry, Sharon McKnight, Davis Gaines, Jason Brock, and many more. This year's event, on Dec. 9 at Marines Memorial Theatre, will benefit Positive Resource Center and Maitri Compassionate Care. Tickets at helpisontheway.org.
7. Kung Pao Kosher Comedy, at age 21, is now old enough to order a Manichewitz. No guarantees, though, that that particular wine is on the menu at New Asia Restaurant, where Last Comic Standing finalist Gary Gulman headlines the bill at the annual event. The show also features "Florida condo circuit maven" Adrianne Tolsch, Jewish-Indian comic Samson Koletkar, and emcee Lisa Geduldig. There will be dinner and cocktail shows on Dec. 24-26. Tickets at koshercomedy.com.
8. Cirque Dreams Holidaze has gingerbread men summersaulting in the air, toy soldiers walking the tightrope, reindeers skipping rope, and an acrobatic Santa in a stage circus inspired by, but not related to, Cirque du Soleil. Popping up each year in multiple productions to maximize the holiday window, its fifth edition will run Dec. 11-15 at the Curran Theatre. Tickets at shnsf.com.
9. Mittens and Mistletoe: A Winter Circus Cabaret is something of a homegrown Holidaze. Sweet Can Productions' fourth edition of its holiday variety show features live music, comedy performances, acrobatics, juggling, and clowning in a program hosted by clown queen Joan Mankin. Runs Dec. 20-24 at Dance Mission Theater. Tickets at sweetcanproductions.com.
10. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas �" An Evening with Connie Champagne as Judy Garland is a title that needs little elaboration, except to say that the SF singer is a world-class Garland channeler, and that she'll be at Feinstein's at the Nikko on Dec. 18. Tickets at hotelnikkosf.com/feinsteins.
Photo: Harley Jessup
11. A Swell Noel features another masterful channeler of a gay icon, in this case Noel Coward as interpreted by Craig Jessup. Coward's compositions are featured, of course, but expect to also hear some Jacques Brel, Stephen Sondheim, and Richard Rodgers, along with original songs and holiday tunes. Performances are Dec. 17-22 at Aurora Theatre's Harry's UpStage. Tickets at auroratheatre.org.
12. Snoopy!!! is the holiday attraction for 42nd Street Moon, which usually digs farther back in the musical theater annals for its slimmed-down productions of seldom revived shows. This sequel to You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown had its premier production in San Francisco in 1975 before going on to long runs in New York and London. Performances through Dec. 15 at the Eureka Theatre. Tickets at 42ndstmoon.org.