Whoever thought we'd be cheering Arnold Schwarzenegger? There we were, once again feeling somewhere between inchoate rage and deep despair, the new normal in Trumpworld, what with the reality-TV rollout of a far-right, anti-gay ideologue for Supreme Court Justice, attacks on the leaders of Mexico and Australia, and the sabre-rattling over Iran.
Earlier in the day on Feb. 2, we'd seen the president use the National Prayer Breakfast as a platform to both vaguely threaten gay people with a promise to end the separation of Church and State, and make a plea for clergy to pray for Arnold Schwarzenegger's ratings on The Apprentice .
Pres. Trump is executive producer on the show, so low ratings impact him financially. "They hired a big, big movie star, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to take my place, and we know how that turned out," Trump said at the breakfast. "The ratings went right down the tubes. It's been a total disaster. [Producer] Mark [Burnett] will never, ever bet against Trump again, and I want to just pray for Arnold, if we can, for those ratings."
Schwarzenegger's reply hit every network almost immediately. "Hey Donald, I have a great idea. Why don't we switch jobs? You take over TV, because you're such an expert in ratings, and I take over your job. And then people can finally sleep comfortable again. Hmm?" Slay.
A spokesman for the former governor also sent a statement to ABC. "Arnold is praying that President Trump can start improving his own approval ratings, which were the worst in history for an incoming president, by taking his job seriously and working inclusively," spokesman Daniel Ketchell said in the statement. Snap.
Then we watched Trump's favorite spokesharridan Kellyanne Conway on Hardball with Chris Matthews, talking about a "Bowling Green massacre." Conway was giving this example as a rationale for Trump's Muslim ban. Conway's plaintiveness over the failure of the press to respond to what she asserted was a terrorist attack by refugees in Kentucky was, as are all her TV appearances, a mix of outrage and harangue. Problem was, said massacre was another Trumpworld invention, like Trump remembering he had good ratings on The Apprentice, when the show was ranked 113th by Nielsen last season.
Response to Conway was swift and merciless. CNN dragged her on Twitter, noting simply, "Kellyanne Conway is right. We did not cover the Bowling Green massacre, because it never happened." NBC issued a full report at the Noon hour on Feb. 3, replete with Conway's response that she "misspoke" and "everyone makes mistakes." Even Bowling Green Mayor Bruce Wilkerson made a statement Feb. 3, noting that while he understood that during "a live interview, one can misspeak," there was no massacre.
Enter James Corden to cheer us. Not for the first time, Corden's embrace of all things gay and beautiful saved us. On his Feb. 3 show, mere hours after the Conway debacle, there he was in a sing-off with Queen and gay frontman and American Idol winner Adam Lambert. Run, don't walk, to watch this in its full 15-minute unexpurgated glory on CBS.com or YouTube. It is fabulous.
Corden, whose Carpool Karaoke segments on The Late Late Show have become a global sensation, also does periodic rap battles with guests. Anne Hathaway's is the best. Corden's January 2016 Carpool segment with Adele was the most-watched YouTube video of 2016, with 146 million views. Other Carpool segments have included Stevie Wonder, Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Michelle Obama, One Direction, Justin Bieber, Missy Elliot and George Michael. Set aside an afternoon to watch them all if you haven't seen them, because they are spectacular.
The Feb. 3 sing-off with Adam Lambert, judged by Queen's original band members Brian May and Roger Taylor, was priceless. Lambert was channeling not-so-much Freddie Mercury but George Michael in his sexiest heyday. Corden, who won a Tony Award in 2012, is a good singer, but Lambert is superb. He hits all the notes in this terrific medley of some of Queen's best. Swoon-worthy.
Corden also made a video in response to Trump's Muslim ban. Corden filmed himself in a cab to LAX, passing by protestors, going through security, getting a grilled cheese sandwich, then handing over his ticket and boarding his plane. Smooth and effortless. The video is a minute-and-a-half long, and except for a few lines (his requesting the sandwich and his exchange of pleasantries with the woman taking his ticket), there is no sound. At the end the following message comes onscreen: "Today, James flew out of Los Angeles. So all our shows this week have been pre-taped. Freedom of movement should be this easy for all legal immigrants. Not just the white and Christian ones." Gutting.
Ellen, who rarely makes political statements on her show, took a few minutes to explain the storyline of the animated film Finding Dory, in which she stars as Dory, after hearing it was the first film Trump had shown at the White House. "I don't get political, so I'm not going to talk about the travel ban," Ellen said. "I'm just going to talk about the non-political, family-friendly, People's Choice Award-winning Finding Dory."
She said, "Dory arrives in America with her friends Marlin and Nemo, and she ends up at the Marine Life Institute behind a large wall, and they all have to get over the wall. And, you won't believe it, but that wall has almost no effect in keeping them out." Wild applause from her audience.
"Even though Dory gets into America, she ends up separated from her family. But the other animals help Dory �" animals that don't even need her, animals that don't even have anything in common with her. They help her even though they're complete different colors, because that's what you do when you see someone in need, you help them. That is what I hope everyone watching Finding Dory has learned." Applause and cheers from the audience.
More 'Scandal'
We don't remember exactly which season of ABC's Scandal had Cyrus (Jeff Perry) talking about how as a gay man he could never be president, but creator Shonda Rhimes is doing some intriguing politicking in season six of what we still think is the best political drama on TV. The new season began last week, and Cyrus may actually become president before the season ends in May.
We've always had a soft spot for the murderous and conniving Cyrus, who is Machiavellian brilliant and also wildly damaged by his years in the closet. He's definitely a monster, but he always feels a bit like our monster. He loves the country as much as he loves power, and for the longest time he loved Fitz (Tony Goldwyn), who is now a lame duck and for whom he was chief of staff.
Cyrus is a gay man we know, and he's believably, honestly gay. He's never been interested in women, even though he married one years ago before he could acknowledge his gayness. Will Rhimes give us the first gay male president or his rival, the first female president?
There is no more stellar actress on the small screen than Viola Davis. It's hard sometimes to watch her, because she's so good, her every look and movement invested with such nuance, that everyone around her recedes into the background. Yet despite how big she is on the small screen, in the new season of How to Get Away with Murder, some of the other actors are getting a chance to be bigger. One of these is Aja Naomi King (Michaela). Another is Conrad Ricamora (Oliver).
There were some powerful scenes in the Feb. 2 episode of HTGAWM, including a shower scene in the prison with Davis and another scene where she cuts her hair off with a razor blade in her cell. But for sheer pathos, Oliver asking boyfriend Connor (Jack Falahee) to spoon him on the sofa felt like one of the realest moments we've witnessed between two young, hot gay men on the tube in forever.
Speaking of young, hot gay men, Freeform's (formerly ABC Family, but our theory is they had so much LGBT TV with young characters, they had to change the name) Shadowhunters has some steamy scenes between Magnus (Harry Shum, Jr.) and Alec (Matthew Daddario), known to fans as Malec, this season. We admit to not being huge fans of the fantasy genre (we're already off Emerald City, gender-bending storyline and lush sets notwithstanding), so this is a show we aren't wedded to, but these guys are well worth a look. If you're not a fantasy fan (well, this kind anyway) either, you can just YouTube the videos of them kissing, etc. You're welcome.
For pretty and dark, we also recommend the incredibly watchable new drama Riverdale, the latest from out gay showrunner Greg Berlanti, who pretty much owns the CW at this point.
This ain't your parents' Archie and the gang. We've got issues. Betty (Lili Reinhart) and Veronica (Camila Mendes) work together to get some football players who have been harassing and sexually assaulting female students off the team. We've got a murder plot: think Pretty Little Liars meets Twin Peaks, replete with Madchen Amick as, gasp, Betty's mom Alice. If you really want to feel old, Luke Perry (90210) plays Archie's dad, Fred. We've got very visible gay boy Kevin (Casey Cott) as Betty's bestie, who is the most honest person in this whole dark, brooding, what-are-they-hiding landscape. Veronica quotes Truman Capote and Oscar Wilde, which makes us wonder if she's going to shift teams. This show isn't terribly deep, but it is really engaging, and we're hooked. Opposite Scandal, so set the DVR.
February has some great stuff coming up, so that DVR should be whirring. We've only seen a preview reel of Doubt with Katherine Heigl, whom we love, but whose every new show has failed since she left Grey's Anatomy. We aren't sure about this show, but we are sure we want to see co-star Laverne Cox in a totally different role from Rocky Horror and Orange Is the New Black.
FX has a new series, Legion, a sci-fi thriller with this intriguing premise: "David Haller (Dan Stevens) was diagnosed with schizophrenia at a young age, and has been a patient in various psychiatric hospitals since. After Haller has an encounter with a fellow psychiatric patient, he is confronted with the possibility that there may be more to him than mental illness." Like, more as in plural people. This show was created by Noah Hawley, who also created Fargo, so expect this to be addicting.
To make us feel comfy, RuPaul's Drag Race just debuted season 9 on Logo, and the queens are big and beautiful and ready for your votes.
Just in time for the return of waterboarding, Fox has a spin-off of the spy-thriller 24. 24: Legacy debuted after the Super Bowl, which gives you a taste of the testosterone level, but it moves to Mondays on Feb. 13.
The new series employs the same real-time sequencing of the original. Starring 20something Julliard grad Corey Hawkins (The Walking Dead ) as Eric Carter, a war hero who led a mission to kill terrorist leader Sheik Ibrahim Bin-Khalid, this spy thriller is all about saving America from endless terrorist threats. Remember, this series came of age during Bush-Cheney, so it's primed for Trump-Pence-Bannon-Tillerson-Flynn. Co-starring out gay actor Dan Bucatinsky, who won an Emmy for his role as Cyrus' husband on Scandal.
So for real life mayhem and scripted monsters and all the reality in-between, be sure to stay tuned.