The new TV season is in full schwing, and it's all sex, very little city.
Everywhere we turn it's slutty women. Could there be a more repulsive show than Courting Alex? Even devotees of Jenna Elfman must wonder how desperate she (and they) must be to participate in this stupid sitcom re-hash of Sex and the City . And when it isn't slutty women (we are so over that stereotype), it's angst-ridden gay boys.
Really, haven't we reached the point where we can have gay men on TV who are in a relationship and/or happy? Apparently not.
Witness the new gay crop on prime time and (drum roll, please) daytime.
Fred Savage is all grown up from the delightful Wonder Years. (Those who still remember that show with fondness should watch the always funny and charming Everybody Hates Chris on UPN; and yes, you can watch UPN. even if you aren't African American.) Too bad Savage isn't in a better show. ABC's new sitcom Crumbs is, alas, aptly named. The humor and story are stale and left over from some other era, which is too bad, since the cast is stellar.
Savage plays Mitch, a Hollywood screenwriter who has come back home because his parents (Jane Curtin and William Devane: we told you the cast was stellar) have divorced, and his mother has had a breakdown. Mitch is queer — but straight-acting, of course, because he is self-loathing, like all gay men on the tube.
Of course, he was having an affair with his therapist when he was in Hollywood, which is so wrong we can't even begin to go into how, but apparently the show's writers find it hilarious and not in the least unethical if not illegal.
Despite having been in therapy (or perhaps because of it), Mitch doesn't want to come out to the folks and his older brother (who is named Jody, yet isn't queer). This show follows Dancing with the Stars on ABC on Thursdays, so it has a built-in queer audience. But Will & Grace is still funnier. How sad is that?
Speaking of sad, we were really liking NBC's Book of Daniel, which is Desperate Housewives in religious garb. Aidan Quinn is immensely likeable as Daniel Webster, an Episcopal priest with lots of problems — like a Vicodin habit, too much integrity and a dysfunctional family. And we really like the Jesus who chats with him daily. This is a very, very good family dramedy, and despite what the religious right wants you to believe, very cool with religion. This Jesus really does love people, and so does Quinn's Webster.
There are not one but three queer characters in this show. Webster's oldest son, Peter (yes, Peter — why didn't they just call him Dick?), played by Christian Campbell (who five minutes ago was playing a very bad heterosexual playboy on All My Children) is a little on the closety side. Except, like all men, he is not averse to screwing a good-looking woman in the back of her aunt, the bishop's, car in the middle of the afternoon, and leaving a used condom on the back seat, even though he's really in like with her brother.
How may ways can we say this: Ew.
Then there's Peter's flighty aunt Victoria, who was gay, then straight, then gay, and now is apparently straight again. All in three weeks of programming.
Then there's the mob guy who is doing the contracting work on the new school for the parish. He's gay, too. And thinks the priest is cute.
BoD is so well-written and acted that we will give it the benefit of the doubt on the queer issue, for now. But mostly because Quinn's Webster is so pro-gay and so ecumenical about people's sexuality. We find the writers just a little too ecumenical on this topic. Let the queers be real queers, please.
Switch hitters
Then there's the daytime queers.
Wasn't it just a year ago (yes, it was) that Bianca left Pine Valley on All My Children and ended up being a lesbian in Paris? She returned briefly in December and early January, but she's gone again, and she wasn't very queer when she came back, despite having been in Paris for a year.
But over on General Hospital, Lucas Jones (Ben Hogestyn, son of Days of Our Lives heavyweight Drake Hogestyn, and formerly of NBC's stellar American Dreams) went to Swiss aging school and turned from 10 to 17 overnight. Cool.
He also turned gay. (After he turned into someone else when Ryan Carnes left the role suddenly, but more on that later.) Which is really putting a spin on things in Port Charles, since he's the nephew of Luke Spenser (Anthony Geary) and son of Bobbie Spenser (Jackie Zeman), prototypes of blatant heterosexuality in a small soap town. Wasn't Bobbie just dreaming yesterday about when he'd meet the right girl? Especially since Lucas' older sister Carly spent years as the town tramp?
Until this week, Lucas was pretty much in the closet to everyone except his cousin Georgie (Lindze Letherman). Then he had to tell her boyfriend, who was getting jealous. And then some other folks found out, and in a blink, there was gay-bashing and revelations in the police station when another teen, Frank, beat the crap out of him. (And uttered the word queer in the PD, and also accused Lucas of putting the moves on him.)
GH and GLAAD have gotten together to push awareness of queer issues. Check out the GH website (ABC.com, click on daytime). Ben Hogestyn and Lindze Letherman urge viewers to take a stand against homophobia.
In some related dish, Hogestyn took over the role from Ryan Carnes, who also played the queer boy on Desperate Housewives. Ryan Carnes insists (or at least his publicist does) that he didn't leave GH and the role of Lucas because Lucas was about to come out. However, rumor has it that Carnes had issues with the new queer storyline. The rumors assert that Carnes was afraid of being typecast due to his DH stint, which included on-screen kissing. Plus, Carnes starred opposite queer American Idol finalist Jim Verraros in the independent film Eating Out.
According to SoapNet, Carnes' rep said, "Ryan is probably the last one who'd have a problem playing a gay character. He's done it twice, so he's very happy and very comfortable with it."
Uh-huh. So why'd he, pardon the pun, pull out?
Carnes' agent says, "We have known for a good year now that he would be done with General Hospital at the end of this summer because of his fall commitments. We didn't want to get him involved in the gay story-line and then up and pull him [from the role] halfway through. For the integrity of the show and the character, Ryan wanted to bow out before the story-line got really good."
Well, if it was for the good of the show, that's a different story. And we emphasize story.
What happens next with the Port Charles teens remains to be seen, but we can only surmise that Lucas discovered he was queer in Switzerland, because there are no other queers in Port Charles. Expect Lucas to become yet another of that TV breed: the solo queer.
Catch all
Such might not be the case for Luke (Van Hansis, who played Matthew Shepard in The Laramie Project in Pittsburgh, and who recently assumed the role from Jake Weary) on CBS' As the World Turns. Seems he and Kevin are sharing more than illegally-gotten booze. Luke's father caught him giving Kevin a back rub, and grandmom Lucinda will be catching them passed out together in her guesthouse this week.
Hmmm. Could it be: a gay soap romance on daytime? With boys? Well, ATWT is one of the two oldest soaps, and they had a gay storyline back in the 80s that included AIDS. Just seeing the two cutie-pies together (and let's face it, it's de rigueur to be angst-ridden in high school, especially if you're queer in a small town) is nice, and affirming for all those kids catching a glance after school.
Speaking of what's on after school, we want to just state for the record how very, very disappointed we are with the Diva of Daytime, Oprah, whom we have always respected for her honesty and forthrightness. Her decision to continue to support James Frey after she discovered that his "memoir" A Million Little Pieces is really just a million little lies besmirches her stellar character.
Oprah has made herself a voice of honesty and integrity on the tube and in the larger society. Be sure to catch her shows on terrorism and bird flu this week, eye-opening for sure. She has dared to go where others have not, and she has exposed her own dark side in order to help others, often.
Oprah knows better. She should have called Frey out for lying to her and millions of others. Part of seeking redemption is telling the truth. Oprah knows this. And she should have made that clear to Frey, who should be donating at least half his proceeds to her Angel Network as reparations.
Finally, speaking of liars, we were very pleased to see Nightline promoting the USO and asking the question about where the right-wing celebs are when it comes to entertaining the troops. Wayne Newton has been the new Bob Hope for the military oversees for two decades now, and he told Nightline that he just can't get the big names to go and perform.
Interestingly, however, he can get the left-wingers, who oppose the war.
Kathy Griffin has been over several times, and suggested on the January 20 Nightline that "Mel Gibson, go on over — they'd love to see you," even as she described her own politics as "left of left. I'm a Sandinista at this point, but I want to see these guys get a little bit of home."
Others who have gone more than once: Jessica Simpson, with and without Nick Lachey. Jimmy Kimmel. Rob Schneider. Al Franken has gone six times, and keeps asking why Bill O'Reilly has never gone. Craig Ferguson recently volunteered to go.
They don't call the right-wingers chicken-hawks for nothing.
Cluck, cluck. If Wayne Newton and Kathy Griffin can risk their face-lifts to go, shouldn't the Reich Wing of Hollywood be over there, too? Stay tuned.