As he reveals in his engaging, candid autobiography Master of Ceremonies (Flatiron Books, $27.99), Joel Grey (nee Joel David Katz, 1932) was 10 years old when he first acted on his physical attraction for boys, exchanging furtive embraces with the 16-year-old elevator operator in the apartment building where his family lived. A few years later, he was sharing physical intimacy with his first cousin Burton, but they kept it a secret. He grew up hearing his large, close-knit, competitive extended Jewish family referring to gay men in derogatory terms, notably the Yiddish faygelech, which literally meant "fluttering birds." Being attracted to boys wasn't a good thing.
In high school, he was involved with girls, boys, and Paul, the handsome Cantor at his synagogue. Then Paul married a girl whom Grey had dated, devastating the teenager. Paul arranged threeways with his wife and Grey until she objected. She filed for divorce, threatening to name Grey as correspondent. Frightened, he told his parents. He saw the pain in his volatile mother's eyes. He apologized and reached out. "Don't touch me," she snapped. "You disgust me." She walked out of the room. His father, popular entertainer Mickey Katz, was more sympathetic.
Understandably, that experience was central to his life. Hitherto, his mother, who pushed the willing boy into show business starting at the celebrated Cleveland Play House, lavished attention on him, ignoring his younger brother. Her violent mood swings were fearsome, however; making her happy was paramount for young Grey. But her reaction upon learning about Paul taught him a painful lesson: her love wasn't unconditional. She withdrew it as quickly as she offered it. He realized he could only rely on himself.
He began performing at 10. It was an escape from the stress of pleasing his mother, yet earned her approval. It allowed him to be someone else, someone not attracted to boys. That attraction, and being Jewish, made him feel like the "other." He desperately wanted to assimilate, to live a "normal" life.
He worked in nightclubs with his father, celebrated for singing popular songs with a Yiddish accent. He also appeared on popular television programs of the 1950s (December Bride, The Ann Sothern Show ) and an occasional movie, like Come September (1961), starring Rock Hudson and Gina Lollobrigida. He longed to work in the legitimate theatre, but that world seemed closed to him.
He had affairs with women, but men were more desirable. Yet being openly gay would have ruined his career. In 1958, he married actress Jo Wilder, whom he deeply loved. Like him, she was Jewish. Like him, she wanted an acting career. But he coerced her to give it up – he wanted children and expected her to rear them. They suffered a tragic loss of an infant son; then daughter Jennifer, now a successful actress, was born. They adopted son James, today a highly regarded chef.
In 1965, Hal Prince cast Grey as the Master of Ceremonies in the brilliant Kandler and Ebb musical Cabaret, based on John Van Druten's I Am a Camera, which he adapted from gay author Christopher Isherwood's Berlin Diaries. He based his interpretation on the memory of a seedy, vulgar, bigoted nightclub performer. The show was a hit, and Grey won a Tony Award. He repeated the part in the dazzling 1971 Bob Fosse movie, which earned him a Best Supporting Actor Oscar, making him one of the few performers to win both awards for the same role. One of the best sections of the book deals with his battles with the egomaniacal, controlling Fosse over how to play the character. Grey prevailed.
In 1968, he starred in George M!, a musical based on the life and career of George M. Cohan. It ran for 427 performances, and he toured with it. He also toured with Cabaret co-star Liza Minnelli, worked in major supper clubs, including San Francisco's Venetian Room, and appeared regularly on television.
Although he loved being a husband and father, his feelings for men became more difficult to suppress. Finally, he told his wife. Like his mother, she walked out. They divorced in 1982, a painful event. They didn't speak for many years. His children, however, were accepting. His mother refused to acknowledge it.
As always, acting helped. In 1985, he played a gay man battling AIDS in the revival of Larry Kramer's The Normal Heart. It was a liberating experience.
Grey continued to work in television and appeared as the Wizard in the smash Broadway musical Wicked. He fell in love with a younger stage manager, whom he identifies as Eddie. Ironically, the relationship ended because Eddie couldn't accept being gay. He wanted to marry a woman.
While well-written and well-illustrated, the book, co-authored with Rebecca Paley, would have benefited from better copy-editing. For example, he writes that on opening night of Cabaret, Joan Crawford and her husband, Pepsi Cola CEO Alfred Steele, came backstage to congratulate him. Steele had died in 1959, six years earlier. Similarly, he discusses touring with George M! in the context of legendary Broadway stars like Ethel Merman, Mary Martin, and Alfred Drake regularly touring in their hit shows. Merman only toured with Gypsy, and only because she thought it would help her land the movie role. (It didn't.)
Still, these are minor criticisms. Grey learned early on to conceal who he was. He did so because nothing mattered as much as his career. Master of Ceremonies, while not a tell-all, is a frank account of an examined life, written by a mature man who has learned to accept himself. That's noteworthy.