Solitude: In Pursuit of a Singular Life in a Crowded World, by Michael Harris; Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin's Press, $25.99
How refreshing that a book on the virtues of solitude would hold as one of its exemplars Quentin Crisp, the writer who, in 1920s London, rather than hide his sexuality, flagrantly advertised himself in the streets with lipstick, jewelry, and a campy swagger, resulting in his getting beaten regularly. "Crisp saw that the bravery to be undeniably one's self can be a revolutionary act." One should develop one's own ideas and sensibilities by pursuing a personal style and insisting on being oneself rather "than acquiescing to a larger system." For the gay writer Michael Harris in his new book "Solitude," a sequel to his bestselling "The End of Absence," the capacity to be comfortably alone with one's own thoughts is a revolutionary act in our larger system of instant, constant connection through e-mails and social media. Despite our unabated linkage to the rest of the world, more people feel lonelier than ever before.
For Harris, the remedy is not more connections but solitude. He defines solitude as productive and contented time alone, and loneliness as failed solitude, an anxious feeling that one should be somewhere else or spending time with other people. Solitude becomes a crucial ingredient for a rich interior life, inspiring the ability to arrive at fresh ideas (creativity), self-knowledge and awareness in the sense of knowing what you think or believe independently, helping you to be closer to the people you care about. He gives a charming example: on vacation, if you're text-messaging your partner every 10 minutes, you're really not missing him or her. Instead, if you wait a month and write one love letter, "There is a richer experience of that person that is called up, because in order to desire something, you have to be without it." Per Crisp's example, solitude, in addition to making us clear-headed and calmer, relieves the pressure of conformity. The only way we can find ourselves is to be free from the hectoring of online crowds and collective taste.
Harris cites a somber research study done in 2014 at the University of Virginia that revealed people would rather give themselves electric shocks than spend time alone with their thoughts. Why do so many people resist being alone? Harris maintains that society and our education foster collaboration, and our perception of ourselves as good depends on the opinions of others. Harris blames corporations and technology for discouraging solitude because there's no data or advertising revenue produced if people disconnect. Harris sings the praises of the wandering mind, or daydreaming, since it doesn't censor anything and enables you to makes connections. Daydreaming creatively opens us to new options and fresh insights. Harris quotes Berkeley psychology professor Alison Gopnik that the "aha" moment of solving a problem "is the equivalent of an orgasm for the thinking mind."
Harris is no Luddite. A good portion of the book is spent telling us about digital advances such as Google Maps, WattPad (collaborative electronic rather than solo silent reading), Eterni.me (a Skype from beyond that collects your personal data now so it can build an avatar to stand in for you after you die), among others, while critiquing our dependence on them. Harris is adamant that you must make a conscious choice to acquire solitude, a habit you develop every day in small changes. He describes his week spent alone, without phone or Internet, on Pender Island in British Columbia. He experienced withdrawal symptoms realizing how addicted he was to social grooming, but eventually walked through the woods noticing aspects of nature that had been invisible. Reconnecting with nature encourages some of our best original thinking, with mornings the best opportunity to recall our solitude before the world pours out too much noise.
Harris' book is a convincing platform on the transformative power of being alone. He credits solitude with improving his own relationship with his partner Kenny. I wish he had delved more into how being gay and forced to think apart from the status quo might have played a role in his quest for solitude. Also, Harris doesn't use any spiritual resources about solitude, seen as a spiritual discipline in many traditions, including Christianity (monasticism, prayer) and Buddhism (meditation). But these are small quibbles about a valuable handbook on the necessity of breaking away from the seductions of digital culture to rediscover our deeper selves.