Gay Men and the New Way Forward by Raymond L. Rigoglioso; Mond Press, $21.95
With all the victory rhetoric surrounding marriage equality claiming LGBTQ people have finally been assimilated into mainstream heterosexual culture, it's refreshing to read Raymond L. Rigoglioso's Gay Men and the New Way Forward, about what makes gay men different, and the distinct gifts we bring as teachers of humanity that can benefit the health of society and the evolution of consciousness. Rigoglioso focuses exclusively on men who love men. While the gifts outlined in his book can apply to other groups, he wants lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people to develop their own common stories and special contributions.
Rigoglioso believes humanity needs a new way forward, "one that restores balance between the masculine and feminine, individual freedom and the collective good, human activity and nature, " which gay men can implement. First they need to discover a cohesive, shared understanding of their place in the world. Rigoglioso adopts Harry Hay's (founder of the Mattachine Society) three questions to provide this collective narrative: Who are we?, Where do we come from?, and What are we for? and then provides his own fourth question, Who can we become? The key is for gay men to own their differences, then use their unique talents in service to the world. He uses the experiences and ideas of participants in his workshop, "Gay Men of Wisdom," to list and explore these gifts, how one can awaken to one's roles, purpose, and potential, and ways they can be fully expressed to become evolutionary leaders for humanity. Rigoglioso sees gay men's fundamental difference as living between and balancing the masculine and feminine, embracing and utilizing both, fluidly moving in and out of them as the need arises. Gay men can teach all men how to access their feminine and their authentic masculine, without the darkness.
Rigoglioso claims there are 14 distinct gay male gifts, divided into three categories: Serving and Healing (A Gentle, Collaborative Social Orientation; An Orientation toward Service; Religious Reformers and Spiritual Leaders; Teachers of Compassion, Generosity, and the Authentic Masculine; Models of Forgiveness), Reinventing Manhood (Friends, Soul Mates, and Co-Revolutionaries with Straight Women; Esthetic Outsiders and Gender Tricksters: the Art of Camp and Drag; Modeling Sustainable Manhood), and Freeing and Enriching the Human Spirit (Sexual Leadership; Fine Attunement to Beauty, Creators and Keepers of Culture; A "Gay" Spirit; Models of Authenticity and Courage, Cleansers of Shame; Outsiders Driving Evolutionary Advancement). Most of the chapters delineate the qualities and practical living from these gifts, as well as provide a self-checklist so readers can discern which gifts they possess.
If much of this material engenders a sense of deja vu, it's because it has been covered in both the men's movement texts of the early 1990s and the secular gay spirituality books of the late 80s through 2000. Rigoglioso has received endorsements from Toby Johnson, Will Roscoe, and Mark Thompson, who have all previously traversed the same terrain. These principles were more fully developed within a greater historical context in those three writers than in Rigoglioso. But he packages these "teachings" in a more easily digestible fashion, with lists and charts. There is not much new here, but younger gay men and the spiritual but not religious audience may be exposed to "gay tribal truths" they may not have encountered. I particularly liked the definition of spirituality (always a slippery concept) he uses, drawn from the nursing literature: "Spirituality is that which gives meaning to one's life and draws one to transcend oneself. Spirituality is a broader concept than religion, although that is one expression of spirituality. Other expressions include prayer, meditation, interactions with others or nature, and relationship with God or a higher power." From this definition he identifies some distinct characteristics of gay men's spirituality: discovering the self through group ritual; honoring the body and sexuality as vehicles for transcendence; ready embrace of the Earth as a source of spiritual or divine essence; exile from religion and society producing deep reflection and a generous spirit; and flair for the theatrical. He names Radical Faeries, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and the Body Electric School (all prominent in the Bay Area) as exemplars of gay spirituality.
From the book, one might think gay men are fully enlightened beings, the saviors of humankind, "what the world has been waiting for." Yet real-life experience leads us to question such an optimistic assessment. Gay men can be hurtful towards each other. Rigoglioso acknowledges feedback he received from gay men in his seminars in the chapter "Owning and Managing the Shadow," whose characteristics include sexual objectification, narrow male-gender norms, the isms (racism, classicism, sexism, ageism, looksism), bitchiness, overly harsh judgments, shame, domestic violence, and excessive idealism. He wants gay men to adopt a higher standard of behavior towards each other, delineated in seven agreements: mindful kindness, responsibility, self-love, owning my shadow, brotherhood, accountability, and forgiveness.
Rigoglioso concludes that being gay is hard work, and even if full equality is attained, it's unlikely the pain of being gay will ever be completely removed. His chief point that when gay men alter their own perception of themselves, this will change how the world sees us, is unalterably true. In an age where many gay men want to be absorbed into heterosexual culture, Rigoglioso reminds us that if we don't own our unique gifts, we risk forgoing the opportunity to revolutionize society.