On December 15 "Billy Cross: A Gay Man's Story," a new documentary in which a gay man shares his life story, will screen at the Delancey Street Screening Room.
Billy Cross has quite a story to tell. He holds nothing back as he speaks, telling of the remarkable events in his life. His 21-year love affair with the chef Michael James, the loss of James and of so many friends during the height of the AIDS crisis, his travels around the world, both with and without James, his experience of having survived incarceration in a hospital that practiced gay conversion therapy, his emergence as an out, proud gay man, and so much more.
The film, which was directed by Erin PS Zimmerman, tells Cross' story simply. Cross sits on a couch and talks, sharing his memories and feelings about his life and the things that happened to him. Throughout the film, archival photos and video clips are intercut in order to underscore what Cross is saying.
He begins with the story of how he and James first met, going into great detail of their life together, which included running a world-renowned cooking school for the better part of ten years. Cross also delved into James' battle with AIDS, recalling how he was treated by the San Francisco Chronicle when he tried to put a death notice into that paper. (The Bay Area Reporter published James' obituary.)
In the middle of the film Cross goes back to his youth. He was fortunate to have supportive parents, but things didn't go as well when he entered the Peace Corps. After admitting that he had sexual fantasies about men, Cross was kicked out of the Peace Corps and forced into a hospital where gay men were subjected to electroshock "therapy" in order to "cure" them of their sexuality.
This was in the days when being gay was still considered a crime and an illness. Cross recalled how the men were treated. They were shown pictures of two men having sex. If they got an erection, they were subjected to such a severe dose of electroshock that their bodies would jump off the gurneys they were lying on.
Cross survived this horror. He survived the loss of James and of countless friends. He survived much more, and he tells it all in a film that's fascinating to watch because the subject is such a superb storyteller.
In an interview with the Bay Area Reporter, Cross spoke of why he wanted to make the film.
David-Elijah Nahmod: What made you want to do this film?
Billy Cross: I felt I had no choice. I was determined to make the documentary. I had to tell our story. By that I mean I had to tell my story and the story of millions of gay men worldwide. How we suffered, how most of us lost everything, how we died and how we were erased. I was determined to keep pushing to make the film. I literally did not care if it killed me. I was determined to tell our story.
You were so candid, so brutally honest throughout the film. What was the most challenging aspect of opening up like that?
It was like two years of intense psychotherapy. I went through tough bouts of serious depression. It got so bad that I considered suicide. But I pushed through the depression and anxiety, with the help of people and friends, until we arrived together at success.
You pointed out that our rights can be taken away at any time. Can you say something about that?
Fifty years ago, through my lover, Michael James, I met the great chef and cookbook writer James Beard in New York. Michael was 21 and I was 27. We were openly in love. Jim said, "Be careful, Hitler destroyed not only the Jews but gay Berlin. Many gay men were sent to concentration camps and murdered. The same thing will happen again. We as gay people have to protect ourselves, to stand up for ourselves. And always be careful. And help create a society that encourages gay men and lesbians to thrive."
Well, we are back in the same environment as 1939 Germany. And what are young gay men under thirty doing? Going to the gym.
Stand up for our own rights as gay people. My generation of gay people stood up and fought for our own rights. We fucking stood up time and again. We got knocked down. But if we could, we keep standing up. We have to keep fighting to allow this world to allow gay people to love who they want. Nobody is going to do this for us. We must stand up for ourselves.
What do you hope audiences will take from the film?
I want people to know what happened to us. We as gay people. How through the Lavender Scare and AIDS and societal discrimination, we survived. We are here. Gay men and women of my generation fed the sick, tried to heal the ill, carried the caskets and dug the graves. And through it all we loved each other. We made love and are still loving each other.
Billy Cross: A Gay Man's Story, December 15, 2pm, Delancey Street Screening Room, 600 The Embarcadero. Free, RSVP required at: [email protected], with a lunch and reception to follow; under-18 must be accompanied by parent or legal guardian. www.eventbrite.com
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