The Gospel Truth :: Jason Brock, a 'Recovering Christian,' at Martuni's

  • by David-Elijah Nahmod
  • Sunday March 25, 2018
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Jason Brock
Jason Brock

On March 24, 25 and 31 former "X Factor" contestant and local cabaret darling Jason Brock will recall his youth through music. The openly gay singer was raised in a conservative Christian community in Texas. In his new show, "Recovering Christian," which he'll perform at Martuni's, he'll share stories of those bygone days while he performs songs that he learned in church.

Jason Brock. photo Ashlynn Danielsen  

"There were some good things about growing up in a Christian conservative area," Brock said in an interview with the Bay Area Reporter. "On one hand, there is a strong community in the church. I feel like people cared about me and we were all seeking the same thing: God."

But Brock had a secret that he could not share with anyone in the community.

"Being gay was a big conflict for me," he recalls. "They always talked about it being a sin. I knew that I couldn't come out to them or my family and be accepted. They would always think I was a sinner, that I was wrong. In fact, being gay had quite a stigma, something a bit worse than other kinds of sins, you know? And being gay isn't a one-time sin, it's ongoing, so yeah, it sucked. I loved it on one hand, but then didn't fit in with it on the other."

Brock noted that being gay negatively impacted his relationship with his mother.

Jason Brock sings at the 2013 REAF benefit concert. photo: Steven Underhill  

"I just felt sad and angry that she didn't accept me," he said. "I really didn't think about how she felt about me not being the heterosexual son she wanted. I guess she wanted that, but I felt it was selfish on her part. She should have known me well enough to know I would never be that. She has three other heterosexual children who have given her grandchildren."

Brock is still healing from those years. As part of that process, he put together his "Recovering Christian" show.

"I think a recovering Christian is someone who was indoctrinated, maybe even brainwashed, with Christian values, and who realizes those values aren't reality and is trying to become a normal person with rational beliefs again," he explains. "For me, I'm recovering from these things I was taught as a child. I no longer believe that there is a Christian god or a living Jesus or Holy Spirit. I don't believe the bible is the word of God."

It was an uphill battle for Brock to get to where he is now.

"I really used to believe all of those things and had all of the opinions, guilt and judgment that go along with them," he said. "So I'm recovering, like a former prisoner readjusting to the 'real' world again or a North Korean moving to America. You get the idea."

He explains what Christian music meant to him then, and what it means to him now.

"Then, the songs meant something different to me on a spiritual level," he said. "I would listen to and sing these songs sincerely to God or thinking about God. Like when I sang 'Amazing Grace,' for example, I would sing it thinking that God really had mercy on me and loved me despite my shortcomings. However, now I sing it thinking, this is a classic song, but I don't believe the lyrics. In fact, with this particular song, I think it's sad that people think so little of themselves; that I once did, too."

Brock also said that the only one who could save himself is himself. He expressed his concerns that his show might offend LGBT people of faith.

"I know some people will be offended, because they can somehow reconcile Christianity with LGBTQ-ness, but I am willing to be the beacon for people like me who are not able to reconcile the two," he said. "And I'm not attacking the LGBTQ Christians, I'm just putting my feelings on the subject out there. It will be interesting to see the reaction."

Brock hopes that people will see the show before they judge him.

"Not only am I singing gospel and Christian songs, but I am also telling stories about my life," he said. "This will be the most personal, difficult show I've ever done, but it will still have humor and fun. Plus there is alcohol to help you get through it with me."

Jason Brock performs 'Recovering Christian,' March 24, 25, 31 at 7pm. Martuni's, 4 Valencia

$20-40. Tickets: