Gay men having sex while using meth appears to be the hot button issue these days, both within the community and in the mainstream press. What has been so far overlooked, however, is how gay men can have sex once off the drug.
Focusing on the readjustment process that many men need to make in order to enjoy sex and dating after quitting crystal meth, the San Francisco Gay Men's Community Initiative, porn studio Titan Media, and the Positive Reinforcement Project hosted a two-hour community forum, entitled "Sex After Meth – How to have Hot Sober Sex!" last Thursday night, January 26 at the LGBT Community Center.
With a panel consisting of Dr. Rick Loftus of SF General Hospital, who treats men with meth addiction; adult film star Chuck Scott of Titan Media; and Stephen Henry, a former meth addict, Henry and Scott kicked off the meeting by describing the role that the dopamine-raising drug known popularly as "crystal," "Tina," or "tweak," played in their marathon party and play experiences.
Henry admitted that meth obscured his boundaries in bed. "One thing that meth did was kill my personal preference," he said. "It blurred the lines and I did it."
Scott, also in recovery from speed addiction, called the substance "a horrible, debilitating drug" that created a neediness to please demanding partners with personally ungratifying acts like fisting and water sports. He also admitted that the drug often contributed to erectile dysfunction. "On speed, you're certainly not hung enough," he said. "It's a rude awakening, but it was not enough to keep me from doing it."
Loftus explained meth's particular appeal for gay men suffering from internalized homophobia or feelings of physical and sexual inadequacies, who use the drug while cruising clubs or online chat rooms. "Meth can take all that away," he said. "On meth, people feel more confident, more attractive, so they can have the over-the-top sex they're incapable of when they're not high."
He also blamed the current crystal meth epidemic, emerging in the mid-1990s and driven by a highly-addictive, more powerful, cheaper, and more accessible substance than the speed of the 1970s, on the gay community's denial of speed's danger and its relationship to risky sexual behaviors that lead to contracting sexually transmitted diseases.
Although recent studies have suggested that guys who use speed are three to four times more likely to have HIV or another STD and one quarter of gay and bisexual men who tested positive for syphilis reported recent speed use, Loftus added that figures also show that 43 percent of HIV-negative men feel that responsible sex on speed is possible, while only 23 percent of HIV-positive men feel that way.
"A patient told me the other day that obesity is more prevalent in the community than meth," Loftus said. "But the number of ER visits that I see due to meth use – from permanent brain damage, strokes, and heart attacks – is up to two a day."
With all its downsides, to most addicts, remaining on speed feels much easier than enduring the brutal post-abstinence withdrawal. Scott relied on spirituality throughout his recovery process.
"I missed it in the beginning," he said of the drug. "I had this big void, but once I got spiritually well, that was replaced."
Today, rather than relying on speed to relegate his sexual experiences, Scott offered that only being sober can one find their own true sexual adventurousness.
For Henry, who now boasts 15 years of sobriety, sex is no longer all about performance. "I had to figure out what I was actually into," he said. "Was it S&M, passive, dressing up? But now if I don't like it, I don't do it. I give myself permission to try and permission to stop."
Whether addicts choose spirituality, a 12-step program like Crystal Meth Anonymous, therapy, a contingency program, medication, or natural remedies, Loftus said that staying off speed requires extensive self-exploration, which aside from creating emotional health can also enhance sexual experience.
"Rather than taking the superhighway of meth, you have to exercise your psychic muscles and do the tough work of self-acceptance, where you go back and deconstruct the burdens you've been carrying around," he said. "Drugs give people permission to get into a magical persona. But if they got to the right mental state of mind, yeah, it is possible to have great sex, sober. You just have to be creative and deal with your issues. Who wouldn't want to take the 101 freeway to acceptance than the frontage road or footpath?"
According to Henry, society's growing acceptance of gays definitely will aid this transition inside and outside the bedroom.
"With Brokeback Mountain, we're living now," Henry said. "We can now have sex sober."