A few weeks ago, a 32-year-old San Francisco man ran into his former boyfriend, the same person who had physically and verbally abused him multiple times over the past few months. The man, who had stayed with his ex largely to avoid homelessness, went to the other man's home to pick up a backpack and other items.
His old boyfriend didn't want him to leave, and as he was walking out, his ex beat him on his side and his head with a weight. Blood ran down his face and chest.
The young gay man, who didn't want his name published, didn't call police. He cleaned himself up, put on a baseball cap, and left, without explaining to his friends waiting outside what had happened.
In a recent interview the man, who's originally from Mexico, responded to questions through a Spanish interpreter. One of the few times he spoke English was when he was asked if there should be more shelter spaces for gay men who have experienced domestic violence.
"Absolutely," said the man, who had resorted to sleeping in a small Mission district park for several nights.
Shelter spots for male survivors are just one of the needs cited by people working to address domestic violence. Many Bay Area nonprofit and law enforcement officials think domestic violence happens just as much in the LGBT community as it does among heterosexuals couples, but the number of same-sex cases that get reported is low. They would like to be able to do more outreach and get people into counseling, legal assistance, and other available services. Some government agencies are working to collect data on domestic violence in the LGBT community in order to better address the issue.
Hediana Utarti is the community project coordinator at Asian Women's Shelter, a San Francisco nonprofit that, like several other domestic violence-related agencies, offers a shelter, a crisis line, support groups, legal assistance, and similar services for LGBTs and others who are experiencing domestic violence. Despite its name, the agency is open to all survivors.
However, Utarti, who identifies as queer, said, "I don't think LGBT folks feel super-comfortable to call our shelters," because her sense of the community's perception "is that if you go to a shelter, most people who are in the shelter are straight women, and most of the staff are straight women, too, so if I were in a not-safe situation, why would I want to go to a strange place with mostly straight women who don't know my story?"
She said that organizations like hers "have to work harder" to reach out to LGBTs and let them know that "we serve the LGBT population, and we know how to do it."
One gap is that AWS only has shelter spots for women and their children, and transgender men.
"The weakness of our movement" is the lack of shelter spaces for men, Utarti said. Her agency works closely with Community Overcoming Relationship Abuse in San Mateo County, a nonprofit that has some of the Bay Area's only spots specifically for male domestic violence survivors.
Cori Manthorne, CORA's director of programs, said, "We're fortunate enough" to be able to provide men with their own room, as space allows. Of the people who access ongoing services such as shelter and therapy and responded to a question about their orientation, "about 3 percent" identify as LGBT, Manthorne said.
"I think that's an underestimation," she added.
Manthorne pointed to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study �" "National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 Findings on Victimization by Sexual Orientation." The report says that more than one-third of lesbians, over half of bisexual women, and more than a quarter of straight women "have been slapped, pushed, or shoved by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime."
Almost one out of every four men, regardless of sexual orientation, reported that an intimate partner had slapped, pushed, or shoved them at some point, the study says.
Earlier this month, San Mateo County saw its inaugural LGBT Pride celebration, and CORA had a table there.
"A lot of people took our materials," Manthorne said. Like others, she would like to be able to do more to get the word out about services available. She indicated that an ideal outreach campaign to LGBTs or another community would include a full-time staff person and public service announcements, for a total of "at least $100,000," but "currently, financially that is not an option," she said.
Jenny McKenzie, community office program manager at the Riley Center, a program of St. Vincent DePaul Society of San Francisco, shared concerns similar to Manthorne's.
"One big thing is that we know that domestic violence happens at about the same rate among all communities," but "our numbers do not reflect that," said McKenzie, who identifies as queer and noted people aren't required to disclose their orientation.
"I would like to hear more from the community about what they want, but as a service provider, I want more outreach. I want us to be accessible," she said.
(Photo: Jane Philomen Cleland)
In Alameda County, Senior Deputy District Attorney Kim Hunter, branch head of the county's Family Justice Center, has some things she'd like to see more of, too.
Hunter, who is gay, said when it comes to group counseling for victims, "We do not have services for men," whether they're straight or gay.
Individual counseling "is much more expensive," and a group gives someone "the ability to look around and say, 'I'm not the only one,' and that really helps," she said. "It helps a lot."
But she suggested straight and gay men shouldn't be mixed in groups.
"It can be really hard for a homosexual guy to get in a group" with straight men "and talk about it," Hunter said.
Hunter recalled one gay man for whom she had struggled to find group counseling.
"As much as I try to tell him, 'You're not alone, and there really are other people going through this' ... It was really hard for him to believe that," Hunter said.
Fear leads to violence
People who experience domestic violence may not ask for help for a range of reasons, including a fear of losing housing or financial support. There can also be language barriers, and people who are undocumented may be afraid that their partner will try to get them deported.
For LGBTs, there may be additional barriers. Those can include a fear of their partner outing them to family, friends, or employers, among other concerns. Some advocates say there may even be concerns about tarnishing the image of same-sex couples as the fight over marriage equality drags on.
Additionally, police aren't always sensitive when dealing with incidents of domestic violence in the LGBT community. Many people say officers may regard a dispute between two male partners as a typical case of brawling. Two women may be regarded as having an ordinary catfight.
Transgender people may be reluctant to seek help or run into trouble with police and other service providers because they're met with incorrect pronoun usage or a lack of awareness and respect for their issues.
Based on interviews and San Francisco Superior Court documents, it seems that police handling of incidents between same-sex partners can be inconsistent.
One man in his 30s recalled how officers were initially dismissive of his partner's threatening behavior. But the man, who didn't want his name published, later met an officer in the San Francisco Police Department's Special Victims Unit who "told me that he believed that I was experiencing domestic violence. I felt comfortable telling him more of the complete story."
The Bay Area Reporter's attempts to interview SVU staff were unsuccessful. Sergeant Dennis Toomer, an SFPD spokesman, said, "No matter what, if it's same-sex or opposite sex, the investigation is handled the same way. We are trained to show compassion and to show interest in all cases."
The SFPD's Domestic Violence Response Unit does work closely with La Casa de las Madres, a nonprofit that is welcoming to LGBT clients. A staffer with the group declined to comment on police handling of same-sex domestic violence cases.
Government data
Bay Area government agencies have shown varying levels of desire to try to figure out how many reports of domestic violence in the LGBT community there are.
San Francisco police don't compile data on such incidents. Toomer said police statistics are consistent with state and federal requirements and he wasn't sure there would be any effort to gather data beyond those standards.
(Photo: Jane Philomen Cleland)
Tiffany Woods, coordinator of the TransVision program at the Fremont-based Tri-City Health Center, said officials should collect data on same-sex cases. Data "drives change," she said. Woods has been doing groundbreaking training on transgender issues with Alameda County police and prosecutors.
When people are presented with data, "you can't be accused of making it up, and that's the key. People think you're making shit up. No, we're not," she said.
In a recent meeting with B.A.R. editorial staff, San Francisco District Attorney George Gascón agreed.
Gascón described how his office has begun looking at how it can gather data on LGBT crime victims, and possibly offenders, "so we can be more informed about the way we approach the community," and better direct services and staffing to meet the community's needs.
The DA decided to start with domestic violence cases as a trial project. In March of this year 12 out of 131 such cases reviewed by the DA's office involved same-sex couples, while in April it was 11 out of 182 cases.
"I would have a hard time believing" that the numbers of same-sex cases are so low, Gascón said. "I don't see why the LGBT community would have any less of a problem" than couples in general, he said.
(Photo: Rick Gerharter)
The Santa Clara County District Attorney's office has broken out same-sex domestic violence cases for years. In 2012, the agency brought charges in 2,259 domestic violence-related cases. Thirty-eight of those involved same-gender couples.
Steven Dick, supervising deputy DA for the office's Family Violence Unit, said the figure is "substantially low."
"I think that we have been cognizant of the fact that there's a population out there that's being underserved, and the more information and data we can collect on this population, the better we can serve" that population, Dick said.
Santa Clara County Public Defender Molly O'Neal, an out lesbian, said, "We don't get that many" same-sex domestic violence cases. However, O'Neal said, there could be underreporting, and "I always want to see more data." Her agency is buying a new case management system "and trying to do a better job of tracking various data points," including LGBT-related domestic violence cases, she said.
Other agencies are also interested in improving the way they address the needs of people involved in same-sex domestic violence cases.
Wendy Still, San Francisco's chief probation officer, said, "I think it's very important that we expand services for the LGBT community, and we are actively trying to do that."
As a defendant in a domestic violence case, Wendy Gonzales may be the beneficiary of those efforts. In 2012, she was charged with assault and several other counts after an incident involving her partner. The case is headed to trial.
"It was just a misunderstanding," Gonzales said of the dispute with her partner, whom she said she married in Las Vegas in 2011.
Gonzales said her case started when she saw messages on her partner's phone that made her assume she was cheating. She didn't remember who started it, but she said, "We just went to blows. We were punching each other."
She said she wanted to stay with her partner, and it appears the other woman felt the same. In an unrelated case after the domestic violence incident, both of the women allegedly tried to steal PlayStation video game units from a Best Buy, according to court records. At the time of the alleged theft, the judge had ordered Gonzales to stay away from the victim. That case is also headed to trial.
Gonzales said she didn't need counseling. "I'm already seeking help at the women's reentry program," she said. The program typically helps link people to housing, education, and other assistance.
Woods, of the TransVision program, has other things she'd like to see addressed, including help for people who are program supervisors like her.
"As somebody who works with transgender women, a majority have been in domestic violence situations," Woods said. "I'm not trained to handle that."
She spoke of a former employee that she had to let go but is still worried about.
The former staffer's boyfriend "has put guns in her face," Woods said. She and others "honestly have sat around and said, 'Is he going to kill her?' ... We have tried to help her. She's too afraid to leave in the middle of the night. She doesn't have any resources."
Woods indicated she couldn't call the police on the man. Among other reasons, "that's going to put her in more jeopardy," she said.
For some, being the victim of domestic violence isn't enough to end their feelings for their partner.
A few years ago, David Harvey's ex busted his eye socket and is now in prison, he said.
Harvey, 58, of San Jose, recalled how after the incident, six or seven other gay men came to him and said that similar things had happened to them. He was also part of a counseling group for gay and bisexual domestic violence survivors, but it ended after a couple months when the funding was cut.
"I still love him," Harvey, who's a church pastor, said of his former partner.