Like most sunny days in San Francisco's gay Castro District, last Saturday, July 23 saw throngs of tourists and locals walking along the sidewalk, shoppers checking out the newest hip clothing, and socialites taking advantage of patio seating at local bars and cafes. Yet several yards away, at Harvey Milk Plaza, there was a less familiar sight: a group of about 50 gay men of various ages, races, and sizes had convened, and all the men appeared to be ... talking.

"None of these guys knew each other before, and now look at them," said Joe Imbriani, armed with a stack of business cards advertising the San Francisco Gay Men's Community Initiative, a unique effort that advocates being friendly in a community often believed to be exclusionary and unwelcoming. Many SFGMCI members participate in the group's "Wilde Chats," a discussion group held every Saturday, and have been drawn to the group through neighborhood outings like these, a visibility and outreach event that aimed to let others know they are not alone.

Imbriani addressed the group before leading the walk through the crowds. The idea was to stay together and distribute the cards – each with a welcoming message – to passersby, particularly those perceived to be a part of the gay community.

"We know that many gay men feel invisible and many say that the most hostility they have encountered has come from their own community," said Imbriani as he divided stacks of cards among group members. "There are 65,000 gay men in San Francisco and a lot of them don't feel like they belong. A lot of them will put themselves in harm's way. When guys feel like they belong, they have a tendency to take better care of themselves. And we are showing them that gay men can take care of each other."

The "Say Hi to a Gay Guy" event, said Imbriani, was a way to let gay men know that they were noticed – and not just for sex, but for their friendship possibilities.

"I don't want your number," said one of the cards, "I just want to say Hi!"

Friendship is the key to building community, said SFGMCI member Mark Rhoades, adding that without that foundation, issues like practicing safer sex and building self- esteem cannot be addressed.

"There's this idea that gay people can come out to San Francisco and be welcomed," said Rhoades. "The worst thing is to come out here and feel isolated. It's a crime. We need to get away from cliques, and share each other's friends."

SFGMCI was d

eveloped as a result of a research project through the HIV prevention branch of the San Francisco Department of Public Health in 2003, said Imbriani, himself a DPH employee, but it has remained an independent community-led project that is entirely volunteer-driven with no outside funding.

"In an effort to address the overall health needs of the community, we interviewed hundreds of guys in the neighborhood to find out what it was like to be a gay man. The majority told us there was not such a great feeling of community here, that they didn't feel comfortable walking into a gay bar, and that gay men were doing this to each other," said Imbriani. "We decided to take it from there and ask them, 'What do we do about it?'"

Community members themselves suggested the discussion forums now hosted by SFGMCI, and the community has remained in control of the project's direction ever since, he said, developing not just the larger Wilde Chats for all gay men, but adding culturally-specific groups for seniors, Latinos, black gay men, and youth, so that specific groups could identify their own needs in order to come together with others to work on issues for the community as a whole.

Frank Parlati, who got involved with the group about a month ago, said he enjoys its concept and its diversity.

"It's not very often people from their 20s to their 70s get together," said Parlati, who described the group's chats as personal, moderated discussions with room for intellectual analysis and reflection.

A friendly walk

Armed with friendliness, the group started out down Castro Street. The interactions were brisk, but the reactions were instantaneous.

"Hello!" said members as they offered their cards to individuals, couples, and small clusters of friends. "Have a great day!"

Sometimes recipients seemed confused. Other times they rolled their eyes. More often than not, they smiled as they read the cards, even if they seemed skeptical that nobody was trying to sell or solicit something.

"This is great," remarked Parlati as his group rounded 18th Street. "I would never just go up and talk to anybody."

A group of women walked by and Patrick Vilhena handed them each a "hello" card. They smiled; one of them remarked, "How cool!"

Targeting women was just as important, said Vilhena, because of the gay community's reputation as unwelcoming to other minorities.

"I give the cards to everybody," said Vilhena. "This neighborhood has been sexist for way too long. Sexist, racist, you name it."

SFGMCI member Jefferson McCarley encountered a wide range of reactions as he handed out his cards. One man argued with him that people were "friendly enough already," and said he thought the effort was "a little weird." Another man said he really appreciated the effort and that he was going to pass the card on to someone else.

As the walk headed back up Castro Street, two men who received cards joined the group, talking and laughing with others on their way to eat lunch. "Bye!" they yelled to their new acquaintances as they entered a restaurant.

At the end of the walk, the group reconvened on Market Street for some more words of encouragement.

"You just did community building," Imbriani announced, adding that while nothing could be expected to happen overnight, every small step counts for something. In the 50-minute walk through the neighborhood, 846 cards were distributed. Imbriani said that usually after events like these, his inbox is filled with e-mails from people who received cards and want more information about the group, which represents a broad cross-section of gay scenes: from HIV/AIDS nonprofits to recovery circles to politicos.

"I love this group," said Joe Caruso, who works in San Francisco's Office of Emergency Services and Homeland Security and who was active in performing last year's same-sex marriage ceremonies as Mayor Gavin Newsom's liaison to the gay community.

"When I first moved here I felt like people said 'hello' for no reason, all the time," said Caruso. "But we live in such troubled times now. Not only the Castro, but the whole planet needs extra love."

Most importantly, said Imbriani, SFGMCI is about "creating ways to get guys together to talk," and hopefully, developing new community standards.

"It could take years to make a change when we're talking about community norms. But we want to see new ones added, like being friendly to someone you don't know or don't even want to know," he said. "Just acknowledging that they are alive can go a long way for people who are feeling lonely, and when they are faced with life-altering choices they may choose the healthier one because they feel worth it."

For more information, visit the group's Web site at www.sfgmci.org, or call (415) 820-9606.