Putting on the Ritz — and about 10 lbs.

Talk in the press room during last week's San Francisco Symphony 2006 Opening Gala centered less on musical matters than the high-society spectacle transpiring all around us at Davies Hall. Just how many carats was that humongous rock on that socialite's finger, set off against her black evening glove? Just who was the blonde bombshell Mayor Gavin Newsom escorted as his date? She didn't appear to be a TV actress like his last public squeeze, the Scientologist with more than a passing resemblance to Jessica Rabbit.

SF Chronic columnist Leah Garchik's arrival in the press pen was greeted with a big, womanly embrace from hat-about-town Jan Wahl, whom she had described in her column as newly slimmed down. Hey, Out There is working hard to get down to our ideal sparring weight, when do we get our big fat hug?

"Weighing in on the fashion parade like a dry martini," the next day's Chronic coverage informed us, "Vanessa's husband Billy Getty declared, 'As much as a heterosexual man can love a dress, yes, I love this dress.'" OT says wethinks the lady Billy doth protest too much.

Weighty matters were again on everyone's mind at the San Francisco Opera's opening gala two nights later. Mostly this was fall-out from a front-page thumbsucker (inside lingo for a newspaper feature that isn't actually about very much) in the Chronic's "Style" section, which once again dug up the whole fired-from-Covent-Garden-because-she-was-too-fat affair surrounding starting soprano Deborah Voigt. The piece was so wrong on so many levels. First, by now, it's a tiresome story. Second, it's demeaning to Ms. Voigt, who is, after all, a serious artist and shouldn't be reduced to the number she brings in on the scale. Third, the piece speculated darkly about possible psychological problems, still unresolved, that might have led to her weight problem, with the unfortunate result that, even equipped with her new, svelte physique, Ms. V. didn't really come off as any better adjusted than her old, larger-portion self. Finally, the whole dim-witted spin only gives penny-paper columnists like OT license to dredge up the embarrassing subject one more time, just to see if there's still a cheap laugh in it. There is, but we feel so dirty.

On a more philosophical note, we've always wondered where do all those pounds go when we somehow manage to lose them after opening week? Maybe they're living quietly somewhere outside the city, waiting for our phone call inviting them back home again, no hard feelings.

But they won't reach us on the phone when we're out and about for the evening, blessedly out of reach of any manner of walkie-talkie. During the opera opener, the cell phone belonging to the woman seated next to us went riotously off in the second act, sounding like a clattering chandelier thrown headlong down the stairs. The lady actually got up to take the call, efficiently missing the whole act.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals [PETA ] was busy handing out anti-fur flyers on the opera house steps, but they were being most civilized about it, no splattering of paint or insult. Our sympathies with the animal ethicists didn't stop us from admiring the vintage black mink on a society matron. In fact, we'd have to say that though we're way out of their league in terms of wardrobe and disposable income, the opera and symphony crowds have always treated OT with kindness and respect. Thanks to Bravo! Club co-chair Claire Fluhr for hosting us so beautifully at her dinner table.

Let's also pen a few lines of gratitude for the press relations at both institutions, including but not limited to Louisa Spier and Caitlin Hartney at Davies, and including but not limited to Julia Inouye, Will Hamilton , and Karina Keethe across the street at the War Memorial. Big thanks to SF Opera's classy concierge Bill Repp for always giving us a hearty welcome at the Grove St. doors, where, at last, we got our season-opening hug. Huge thanks, too, to the handsome P.C. , a true gentleman, and the dashing C.C. , no slouch himself, for consenting to be our consorts at the dual openings. They answered the call of duty, resplendent in tux and tie, even though the whole town knows exposure to Out There is fattening.

Pitt stop

Who's up, who's down, and who's delinquent as the new arts season buzzes merrily along?

Rock-abbed movie star Brad Pitt : Up, up and away. Pitt told Esquire magazine (on newsstands Sept. 19) that he won't be marrying actress Angelina Jolie until the restrictions on who can marry whom are dropped.

"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," Pitt told Esquire. That's magnanimous of him, but we think Angie should go further and pledge to abstain from blowing Brad until everyone who wants a shot at the Pitt package gets in a few puckers.

Lesbian TV personality Ellen DeGeneres : A qualified thumbs-up. The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences announced last week that DeGeneres will be the host for next year's Oscars ceremony, thus ensuring her a worldwide audience of roughly six billion people. Much was made of her being only the second woman, after Whoopi Goldberg, to host the awards; but strangely, none of the media accounts we could find mentioned that she is most famous for being a lesbian comedian. Wonder why that is.

Ambiguously gay movie star John Travolta was recently photographed bussing a young man on an airport tarmac. Now comes this advance press photograph of zaftig Travolta as Edna Turnblad, with Nicole Blonsky as Tracy Turnblad, from the upcoming film version of the hit Broadway musical Hairspray. We give it one big, fat thumb up.

Thumbing through The New York Times' business pages last week, we found news of the "Egokast," a palm-sized video player meant to be used as a belt buckle. "This is the first media device that you don't watch, but everybody else does," inventor Shaw Kaake told the Times. "Some people might be a little uncomfortable with everyone looking at their belt. It's sort of an unusual place for people to be staring at." For some.

Everlasting civic treasure and raconteur Strange de Jim checked in to say he's heard from his old friend and soulmate Dame Edna, whose career is on a Gorgeous Upswing since she's been signed to star in Medusa 2: Snakes on a Dame!