If you think that the government crackdown on Internet nudity wouldn't have an effect on the world of sports, you'd be wrong. Cops the world over are apparently terrified of a penis.

Terrorism is being fought in New York City by randomly searching through people's bags and backpacks in subways.

In Wyoming – a state that receives 10 times more antiterrorist funding per capita than New York – Taser-armed cops in Jackson Hole know trouble when they see it, in the form of a naked man at a demolition derby.

A local tradition in Jackson Hole, the derby, held annually at the local rodeo arena, includes a couple of guys getting naked and streaking the 5,000-plus crowd. Previously, police laughed it off.

But last week, John Rodgers decided to not only get naked, but also grab a fire extinguisher and spray the crowd with it. A chase ensued with three policemen. One shot a Taser dart into his shoulder, causing Rodgers to collapse and quiver in pain for a few moments, and – well, I'd say wet himself, but he wasn't wearing any clothes to get wet.

The crowd booed and became upset as the cops handcuffed Rodgers.

The Jackson Hole Planet, which broke the story, interviewed audience members at a party immediately following the derby. An outraged Kevin McBride asked, "How many Jackson Hole cops does it take to catch a naked man in a rodeo arena? I was furious, because it wasn't that big a deal. Did they have to Taser him in front of 5,000 people and kids?"

Kelly Egan told the Planet, "I think for someone who was in no position to use any kind of aggression, it was inappropriate to use a weapon that has in the recent past been lethal. I was overwhelmed by the level of stupidity!"

Aren't we all, Kelly.

Rodgers told the Planet that his jail time was less painful. "They gave me a shower and some clothes. I got some boxer shorts." They fed him, too. "I got a Ziploc bag of Cheerios, eggs in the morning, orange juice, sloppy Joe, and steamed vegetables."

Eat me

While we're on the subject of cuisine, those wacky Australian rugby players are at it again. Previously, the Australia Wallabies had made headlines for some nude ritualistic initiation rituals held at their South African training camp.

Now comes news that part of their fun festivities included an Alive scenario, based on the tragic events of a Uruguay soccer team forced to become cannibals after a 1972 plane crash stranded them in the Andes mountains.

With morbid humor, Wallabies players formed a favorite list that would make Hannibal L

Billy Bean's buns, at a bookstore near boo, er, you.

ector smile.

Rugger Stephen Larkham wanted Drew Mitchell's testicles for dessert. Chris Whitaker listed Rocky Elsom's genitals "fried in butter, garlic, chili, and parsley."

The Cape Times got a hold of this silly questionnaire called "The Alive Scenario – Who to Cook?" at a restaurant where the menu was put together. "You must nominate a player for each dish and how you would prepare them," it read. "Ways to present them include on a spit, marinated, skewered, boiled, in dumplings, etc. No comparing notes."

Player Lote Tuqiri reportedly wanted to prepare Matt Dunning in a sweet and sour sauce. George Gregan said Dunning would be part of his main dish of "sweet pork, slowly roasted."

Morgan Turinui was selected by Dunning as his dessert. "The amount of sweets he puts in, it's got to rub off in his meat somewhere."

In this corner

Speaking of flesh-eating, Mike Tyson wants to make porno. The former heavyweight champion, convicted felon, and frequent ear-biter says he's broke, needs the money, and wants to do it.

Internet rumors began flying that he would star in a video with "Queen of Porn" Jenna Jamison. But that rumor got nixed when scuttlebutters noted that Jamison only works with her hubby.

Whatever woman would perform in such a video, she'd better get an insurance policy, and wear a helmet. I'm not so sure about the market for those with an ear-biting fetish.

British boxer Robin Reid had a go at nude modeling and an X-rated straight porn video.

But a former champion Thai kickboxer has been fined for posing nude, although it happened years ago.

Sirimongkol Singwancha was found guilty of allowing nude pictures of himself to be taken and published in the Thai magazine Heat. The magazine for gay men features naked, full frontal images.

Singwancha had his fine and jail term reduced because he apparently cooperated with local police. He was due to spend six months in jail for the porn, but had his sentence suspended for two years, and was fined $100. During that time he was to "maintain good behavior," i.e., no posing nude.

He is thought to have been paid around Bt200,000 ($4,800) for the pictures, which had been well known in Thailand's gay community.

The photos appeared in the magazine two years ago. But, the magazine issue was just discovered by police when they raided a newsstand in Northern Bangkok.

Singwancha said in an interview that the pictures were originally taken "for fun and for them to view in privacy. I regret [it] and I'd like to apologize to everyone. I'm very stressed now and sometimes losing sleep. I hope that I would be forgiven for what I had done."

Well, I've seen the photos, and he has nothing to apologize for. You'd think Thai police would be concerned about more important things like, say, the massive tsunami devastation that still affects all of Southeast Asia. I guess that's all taken care of. Better to prowl magazine racks.

Obrigad-uh-oh

Meanwhile, down in Brazil, soccer goalie Fabiano Borges was fired from his team, Criciuma, allegedly for having posed nude in the August 2005 issue of G magazine. The magazine has gained a popular reputation for signing Brazilian male straight celebrities to pose.

The 27-year-old Borges was allegedly asked to leave the club immediately and not speak to the media about it.

Several other soccer players like Alexander Gaucho and Bruno Carvahlo have posed after their soccer careers, while other soccer players posed while playing, with no problems.

My Portuguese gossip sources believe that Borges had problems with his new club well before he posed, and that perhaps thought this was a very good money earner for him before he retired from soccer. G models are often paid more than an athlete's annual salary.

Pinch hitter

Former San Diego Padres outfielder Billy Bean poses nude in the July issue of Blue magazine, the sexy photo magazine published in Australia. And we thought his exposed armpit shoot for the Advocate was sexy.

Bean's first-ever nude shoot, by Los Angeles photographer Lewis Payton, is, according to the PR release, "a masterfully sensitive depiction of a man who is – at last – at obvious peace with himself and his life."

He's at peace enough to show off his new hairdo, pitcher's mound, but not the bat and balls. You can pick up a copy at A Different Light bookstore.

Bare it

Another easy pick-up is the new Bear Chest Calendar. Barry Skown of the San Francisco Spikes soccer team is one of the beefy hunks featured in the latest edition. The calendar is a fundraiser for the AIDS Emergency Fund, and a rather innocuous one at that, compared to such silly goings on in the rest of the world.

San Francisco, an oasis of civilization in the California desert.

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