Three years ago, when director Dan Ireland was pushing his film Passionada, he agreed one sure way to cure his being successful yet single was opening himself up to the B.A.R. readership. Deluged with enticing offers, this gently rowdy gentleman still found himself alone, although with a few new solid San Francisco friendships.

Ready to take another chance, and with another film to promote, Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont, Ireland thought he'd try again. So if after reading this article and after seeing his latest effort, you are interested and on the fertile side of 60, please send an e-mail to Mr. Ireland at imnotcocteau@aol.com. You can be older than 60 if you'll be satisfied with a less carnal relationship.

With our procuring safely aside, it is safe to state that B.A.R. sat down with the dapper Ireland in the lounge of the Palm Springs Film Festival a few weeks ago, where his film won the Audience Award for Best Narrative Feature. Starring Dame Joan Plowright as the titular lead, Mrs. Palfrey is an adaptation of British writer Elizabeth Taylor's popular novel, whose plot is a simple one.

Mrs. Palfrey parks herself in a small hotel in London after the death of her spouse. With her daughter and grandson nearby, this septuagenarian has high hopes for a new life. Quickly, though, she discovers that her kin have no time for her, and that the residents of the Claremont are all highly eccentric, with more than several having one foot in the grave. "I had imagined something quite different," she notes.

Then one day, due to a faulty maneuver, Palfrey falls in front of the residence of a young, attractive writer, Ludovic Meyer (Rupert Friend). Quicker than you can mouth Harold and Maude, the mismatched duo becomes solid friends, with Ludo impersonating Palfrey's grandson to impress her peers. "I've never enjoyed myself more — with my clothes on," Ludo admits.

Witty, sentimental, and wise, the film mirrors Ireland himself. But why this project?

With a debonair smile, Ireland recalled, "I, throughout my life, have always found older women so colorful. So when I read the book, it definitely hit me. I also love doilies. Doilies are my life. I have them everywhere in every room."

Turning serious, he added: "My mother nearly died two years ago, and there was a scene in the film right at the very end where Mrs. Palfrey mistakes Ludo for her husband. That happened to me and my mother. So I went along with it. I just went along with it."

As for the critical reaction, it has been mostly positive. Even the usually staid Hollywood Reporter waxed poetic: "Fine achievements in craftsmanship dovetail beautifully with Ireland's evocation of this tiny world where souls await life's final challenge."

"It's funny," Ireland notes. "The intellectual critics always like to give me a smack about being too weepy. But then the audiences that go see it seem to embrace it, which has been great. As for the gay audiences so far, at least my friends, they have been supportive."

Smooch report

Before concentrating on the elderly, Ireland helmed The Velocity of Gary (1998), where Vincent D'Onofrio gave Thomas Jane one of the great man-on-man on-screen kisses. With that in mind, how does Ireland explain all the hosannas befalling the Brokeback Mountain smooches?

"If you go back, there've been a lot of guys that have kissed before. But it's perfect timing because of gay marriage, etc., and because Heath and Jake are so damned cute. They're hot. Even with Sunday Bloody Sunday, it was an 'art-film,' and it was with an older actor. Here you have two young, very red-blooded, healthy Americans. Well, not quite American, Australian-American cowboys talking like the Old West, and throwing the gay theme into it. I don't think anyone can quite believe it that Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal would actually kiss. You know, I think audiences are finding it hot because it is hot. Girls like it. Even straight guys are sort of intrigued. They'll never confess to it, but it's suddenly cool. Don't you think so?"

Because of Brokeback Mountain's success, Ireland is hoping now to be able to direct his dream project, Patricia Nell Warren's The Front Runner . "I mean, I've always loved it. It's not my project yet. I have a friend that's producing it, and I know the writer. I mean, it needs adaptation because of the time it was written in, but I was coming out when the book came out, and it was one of the things that sort of helped me come out of the closet. If you look at it, in its own way, it has the same sort of relevance as Brokeback. It's set in the sports world. There are a few things in it that I don't think would work today, but definitely that's something that comes to mind. A project I'm pitching myself for."

In the meantime, Ireland is pulling together a feature on the last three months of John Dillinger's life, including the gangster's friendship with a 16-year-old boy. Yes, this is the very same Dillinger who was Public Enemy #1 until he was fatally shot by the FBI in 1934, and the very same Dillinger who, according to an urban legends website, was rumored to have a sex organ "estimated at anywhere from 13 to 28 inches" that is now in the collection of the Smithsonian. Sadly for our fantasies, for the museum, and for the forthcoming film, these rumors are, unlike Mrs. Palfrey, pure fiddle-faddle.